Missing
by snowgoose
Summary: Summary: Edward and Bella have been married for almost 10 years. He works too hard and too long at the company he started and though he loves Bella he doesn't know how to go back and rekindle what they once had. Bella is tired of being ignored. Will Edward find his way back to her in time to save their marriage or has he lost her for good.
1. Ch 1 Apart

October 20 2012

**Apart**

I tiptoed past the guest room with a heavy heart. I didn't want to disturb Bella but I want to at least kiss her goodbye. She is mad at me though and rightfully so; I do spend more time at work than I do at home. I never expected my software company to take off as it has. Cullen High Powered Computing Solutions has more business than it can handle and I barely have time to pee; let alone spend time with my wife.

I started my company from home just a couple months before we were married and now I have a whole floor in a Seattle High-rise. In the beginning it was just me but now I have 15 employees. I am what most people call a Computer Genius. I worked my business while I went to school and still got my bachelor's in computer engineering in just two years. Most of my employees have master's degrees and still I have more knowledge and understanding of computing than they do.

The last time Bella and I talked was two weeks ago when she waited up for me and we fought again about the amount of time I spend working. She hates when I work from home because she feels ignored. I don't like working from home because she is so distracting; especially when she uses her sexiness to pry my eyes from the computer. I never get enough done from home. I try to get all my work done at the office but I end up putting so much time in that I only come home to sleep for a few hours. By the end of that argument she moved all her clothes to the guest room.

I miss holding her at night but I really hate to admit that before her move to the other room it had been a long time since I last held her while we slept. It has been even longer since I initiated sex let alone a passionate lovemaking session.

Our marriage wasn't always like this. When we were first married we had so much fun. Even though I had my company and we were both going to school we still had time for each other. We took camping trips and talked all night sometimes. The lovemaking was so passionate and plentiful that I am surprised that she never got pregnant despite her Depo-Provera shots. I wonder if she ever stopped taking the birth control shots. The plan had been to stop when she was 25 and we would try for a baby. We are both a few months shy of 28 and still no baby. I don't even remember having the baby conversation in years. My God how long has it been since I last really talked with Bella?

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This is my first Drabble fic and my first Twi Fic. I am notorious for not being a good poster but I am going to see how things go with Drabble Fic as opposed to a normal one with 5000-1000 words a post.

Please hang with me and give me lots of Encouragement

Snowgoose


	2. Ch 2 Slapped Upside the Head

October 21, 2012

Chapter 2 is here. I would like to thank the people who favorite Missing and me. I also want to send a thank you out to: Militato123, Murfdissle, The Unfamiliar, Sandy4321, SammyJoJo22, SashaPeta, Kgunter, and to Do'B for the reviews.

I have a FaceBook Page if anyone is interested. This is a place you may ask me questions of bug me about posting if I go missing on you. Fan Fiction doesn't like to allow links but it can be found on my profile or by searching in facebook. The Group name is SnowGoose Stories Fanfiction

Just so you know I am all about HEA but It may take awhile to get there.

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**Chapter 2: Slapped upside the head**

My mood is low when I get to the office. It is 6:30 in the morning and my secretary Tanya is already at her desk. I grunt a distracted hello and walk into my office. My mom and Bella had decorated the whole floor of my company but Bella did my office by herself. It couldn't have been done better. The sitting area went well with the desk and everything was functional yet comfortable and inviting. Her artwork adorned the wall behind my desk. It was a painting of the lake we used to camp by in Forks. I have gotten many compliments on my office décor over the six years since we moved in.

On my desk is a picture of Bella and I at one of my parent's charity balls. Her dress was a deep sapphire blue and it set her creamy skin alight. How a computer nerd like me ended up with a woman as gorgeous as her is beyond me. I really am a stupid bastard for letting thing get the way they are now. I just don't know how to get back to the way things were when we were younger.

There is a tap on my door and Tanya walks in with a tray of food from the commissary downstairs; a veggie omelet with toast and a coffee. I mumble thanks and eat my breakfast as I check my Email. Somewhere in my mind I wonder, when was the last time I just sat and ate breakfast with Bella. Saturdays she usually makes a breakfast feast but for a long time now I have been rushing through it while I think about getting some work done. For a while now I have been coming in to work on my Saturdays for a few hours and when I get home Bella has gone off to Forks to visit her dad. She often stays the night and comes home Sunday evenings.

My parents still own the house in Forks but they have moved to Paris to be near my younger sister Alice; her and her husband Jasper had a little girl five years ago and just had twin boys last year. Alicia, Jaden and little Jasper are the apples of my parent's eye.

Tanya walks back in and gives me a rundown of my day. I have 3 meetings back to back with potential clients and then I have to help a current client work out a bug in the software I created for his company. My day drags on as I work my magic on the prospective clients and I sway them my way. By 2:45 I am ready for my 3:00 with Emmett McCarty from Surf's Up. He owns a clothing and merchandise label that caters to the surfer crowd.

I go to the reception area myself and greet him.

"Good afternoon Mr. McCarty." I reach out to shake his hand.

"Hey, Cullen. He takes my hand and pulls me in for a man hug.

I take him back to my office where we discuss the issues he is having with the software. My experience tells me I could get the issue fixed in about 10 hours. Part of the problem is that he doesn't know how to use the software correctly so I offer to show him myself.

"That'd be great man. So when should I be back for the lessons?"

"I will get right on fixing the issue and I should have it done by ten tomorrow morning. Since it is Saturday I can come in and work with you, we can have you ready to go for business on Monday."

"Uh are you serious dude? You would work late on this and come in on a Saturday when you have a Hottie like that waiting for your sorry workaholic ass? I have seen you glance at that picture every few minutes and if your hands are not on the keyboard you are rolling your wedding ring. If you love her so much why the fuck would you be working when you could be holding her?" The look he gave me told me he thought I was the stupidest idiot on the planet. Instead of being insulted by his honesty I respected him for his opinion. I agree with him but I don't know how to change it.

"How am I supposed to keep my business growing if I don't keep my customers happy?'

"You own a private multimillion dollar company; you have no shareholders breathing down your back. I think you can afford to pull back and prioritize your life. I don't mean to be rude but I like you, you're a nice guy and I don't want to see you lose a woman just because you're being an ass."

"I just don't know how to get back to where we used to be?" I sat back against the leather chair feeling defeated.

"Hang on a sec, I gotta make a call then you and I are going out for a drink." He pulled out his cell and dialed. "Hey Rosie, I am going to be late tonight, the love doctor needs to make a pub call." He said into the phone. A moment later he chuckled. "Yeah another dumb ass workaholic needs to learn how to make his woman the center of his world again." He chuckled again. "Kay give me an hour and a half to kick his ass and send him home to his woman then I am going to take you and my baby out for dinner. I'll call the sitter service for you; just get sexy for me….. I love you too babe; so fucking much.

He hung up his phone, stood and cracked his neck and back. "The Love Dr. is in, Now get your things Cullen cus you are gettin schooled." on our way out he told Tanya to go home and surf the net. and that I would be back in at 8 on Monday.

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I really hope you like this Chapter. what do you think of Emmett.

oh and by the way Pairings are canon but the family ties are not.

Esme and Carlisle Cullen are Alice and Edwards Parents.

Alice is Married to Jasper

Emmett and Rose are Married but neither are Cullens but will become good friends of Edward's and eventually Bella.

Jake, Leia and some of the quileutes will be in the story but not necessarily as part of the people from forks.

Please Review.  
Suzanna


	3. Ch 3 The Love Dr's Lesson

October 22, 2012

Ok here is more of Emmett. This chapter is a bit long for a Drabble but I hope you like it.

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**Chapter 2: How to Have a Happy Life**

It was barely 5:00 in the afternoon and Emmett McCartney was dragging me out of the office. I haven't left the office before 10:00 in months. Hell Sometimes it is closer to 2:00 am before I leave. I couldn't help the smile that crossed my lips when I thought about what happened the last time I came home early.

About two months ago I had a perfect day. I had hired another employee and my workload had lightened. All my meetings ended on time and for once I didn't have any work pending. I got home around 9:30 and Bella was in the shower. I snuck in and surprised her. My God her body looked so good with water dripping down her curves. I guess that was the last time I initiated sex. We made wild passionate love in the shower and slow tender love in bed after and again the next morning before I headed to the office.

It's not that we haven't had sex since but well it had been Bella who started things off with kissing me when I crept into bed. The funny thing was that she seemed to sniff my neck and chest before relaxing into my arms.

Emmett had taken a taxi to my office so I drove us to Patty Coynes Irish Pub. It was located between my office and where he had his yacht docked. I've been here before when dad came to tell me that he and mom were moving to Paris. We got a table and ordered a pint and some potato skins and some sliders. When I asked him why he was eating now if he was taking his wife our but he said it was just a snack.

"Ok Edward I am going to tell you my dad's story. I don't know if you know this but I am the son of Sean McCarty as in McCarty and Hale department stores. Before he took on a partner it was just McCarty's and he had inherited it from his father. Now my grandfather lived, breathed and worked for his store much the way that you do for your company. He spent almost no time with my grandmother or my dad. Back then being a neglected wife wasn't grounds for divorce. When my grandfather passed the company to my dad he followed his father's example. Unfortunately for him times changed and women didn't put up with loveless marriages."

"I love my Bella" I protested.

"You may love her but do you show her, does she know that you love her." He looked deep into my eyes then continued his story. As I was saying most women won't put up with a loveless marriage and even the ones who are just in it for the money want you to take them out and show the world that you are with them. My dad went through four divorces before he hit forty five years old. Finally his mother explained to him what I am going to explain to you. First off you need to know what is most important to you. Is it your family or is it your company."

"My Wife is what I treasure but I want to provide for her. I need her to know that I can take care of us without relying on a trust fund from my parents."

"Edward, you dipshit; you have already done that. I said it earlier and I will say it again; you own a multimillion dollar company. You could retire now at the age of 27 and still be well off for the rest of your lives even without the trust fund you mentioned." He hit the back of my head. Damn that hurt.

"My grandmother asked my father what he wanted most. And my father told her he really wanted a family. She told him that the family business was preventing him from finding a real wife and having children. She suggested that he take on a partner to help run the business and scaling back. He did just that. He found a business man who shared the same Ideals as him and sold him 50% of the business. Dad and his new partner Jonathan Hale shared the work of running the company and though they could have gone even bigger they have kept the company moderate."

"Ok are you telling me to get a partner?" I asked.

"Not necessarily but let me finish my story." He hit the back of my head again.

"OUCH!" He just rolled his eyes at me and continued.

"So soon my dad found a good woman and married again for the 5th time. I was born 11 months later. Dad made it a priority to come home by 6:00 at least four days a week. He never worked weekends and he spent time with my mom and me. Mom has been married to my father for the last 32 years and they are still going strong and loving every minute together. Dad retired and his partner had taken over the running of the company along with my wife formerly known as Rosalie Hale." Emmett took a long pull of his beer to wash down the last of his food.

"My point is that if you want to keep your Bella you need to pull back from the other woman and concentrate on your wife."

"I have never cheated on my wife. There is no other woman." I was livid.

"Dude chill, and you are cheating, maybe not with a woman but with your company. That company is the other woman. Take on more employees or delegate some of your load to the ones you have and give that time back to your wife." He took another long pull from his beer. What he said made sense but I didn't have time to ponder it because he kept right on talking.

"I understand what it is like to build a company from scratch. I started surf's up in the garage of my parent's house when I was 15. I started with hand painted wooden boards and it grew from there. Now it is an international multimillion dollar company and I could make it even bigger but if I did I would either have to go public and answer to shareholders or I would have to work my ass off. My Rosie is worth too much to me for that. Rosie and I both work but we also take the time to spend with each other and our kids. We have been married for 12 years and we are going to have baby number 6 in three months."

"Ok I get what you are saying and I am going to try to make things right with Bella starting tonight."

I dropped off Emmett at the marina and headed home. I stopped off at a flower shop then got some pizza and salad from Bella's favorite Pizzeria. I couldn't wait to see the surprise on her face to see me home so early.

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Hmm what do you think Eddie boy is going to find when he gets home?

If you are interested in a way to bug me about plot or posting there is a link for my facebook account on my profile.

Suzanna


	4. Ch 4 Empty

October 23, 2012

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**Chapter 4 Empty**

I walked into the silent apartment. I wasn't too worried because I know that Bella must be at her studio. I've never seen her studio. I wonder if she would be willing to show it to me tomorrow. I feel bad that I didn't go with her and mom when she was looking at spaces to create an art studio. I know how important her art is to her. God she is gifted; sometimes it is hard to tell if it is a photo or a painting. She works in different mediums and styles too. I miss watching her work.

First thing was to put the pizza down and get the table set. The flower vase isn't on the table…. We always have fresh flowers in the crystal vase dad gave us as an engagement gift. I remember that he hold me to always bring her flowers and never let the vase go empty for longer than 5 minutes. I used to pick up a bouquet every Monday and Thursday. When I started to work later than the flower shops are open I would call in a delivery and when I started to forget I asked Tonya to remind me but she offered to make sure that Bella got her flowers. I was grateful for the offer at the time but I wish I had declined and continued to so it myself. I wonder what happened. If Tonya is still sending the flowers why are there none on the table? I searched out the vase and eventually found it under the kitchen sink with a thick layer of dust on it.

I look at my watch and confirm that it is a quarter to six. Bella should be home at any time. She has never liked to eat later than 7 and she prefers eating at home unless it is a special occasion. I sit on the couch and pull out our photo album from the drawer in the coffee table. Most of the pictures are from before we were married. The looks of love in the eyes of the two people in the pictures bring a tear to my eye. For a long time now Bella's eyes have held disappointment, longing and sadness. The night she moved into the guest room her eyes were just…. The only word I could think of was bereft.

I haven't slept well at all since that night. I tried to ask her what was wrong but she screamed at me that if I ever spent more time at home than the time needed to sleep, shower and put on a clean suit then I might have a clue. I tried to wrap her in my arms but she physically pushed me away; she punched me, hard, in the chest, on my arms. She slammed the guest room door on my face then opened it again for a brief moment. "Tell Tonya to start picking up your laundry from the cleaners too." And slam; the door almost hit my nose.

I tossed the photo album back in the drawer. My watch said 7:49 Bella hates being out alone after dark. She had a scary incident in Port Angelus back in high school. She was cornered by a group of men who tried to attack her but a couple who were making out nearby saw what was happening and called the cops. Bella was very lucky because there were some officers just a block over and they responded in time. What had frightened Bella the most was that one of the guys was wanted for Rape and Murder in Oregon.

I was more than a little worried by now. I pulled out my cell phone and hit her speed dial. A song started to play from the guest room. She couldn't have been home all this time? I knocked on the door but there was no answer. I called her again and the song started over. Bella never used songs for ringtones. I opened the door but the room was cold and dark. Her phone was on the nightstand and the screen was lit.

Something is very wrong with this picture. I turned on the light. Under the phone was a note. I was about to pick up the note when the lyrics on the ringtone sent a chill throughout my body.

Please, please, forgive me  
But I won't be home again  
Maybe someday you'll look up  
And barely conscious, you'll say to no one  
"Isn't something missing?

I pulled the note from under the phone and with shaking hands I read it.

_My Dear Husband._

_I am gone. As much as I love you and probably always will; I can no longer live this life with you. Sometimes I feel so invisible to you. You love you work so much and I understand that but I just wish you loved me half as much as you love the company and your clients._

_I am not suicidal but I am ending my life with you. I know you wouldn't agree to a divorce so I won't ask for one but if you want one at any time just give the papers to Charlie and he will see that they get to me. I have left my belongings there because I don't want them; they are a part of the life I am leaving behind. Donate them or burn them, I don't care._

_I wish the best for you Edward and I wish the best for myself too._

_Bella._

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For anyone interested in the song that Bella put as her ringtone it is Missing by Evenesence. Google it if you want to hear it or check on my facebook group page for the link. I may use the rest of the lyrics in a future post. This song was the inspiration for the story.

Question Time:

1 How do you think Edward is going to handle this?

2 What will his first move be?

3 What do you think of Bella's decision? (Keep in mind we are only hearing Edwards prospective so far.)

Please Please review.

Suzanna


	5. Ch 5: She's Gone

October 25, 2012

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**Chapter 5: She's Gone**

She's gone.  
She left me.  
She's not coming back.  
My wife….. My Bella….. My Heart is gone.

My legs must have buckled, I fell forward and somehow ended up on the bed. I could still smell her on the pillow. Her letter never left my shaking hand. These were her last words to me and I reread them many times; then I saw it.

Bella always puts a date on everything she writes or draws. It is a habit she has had since she was young. She said that it helps keep her artistic brain organized or she would be flighty like her mother. The date on the note is Tuesday May 15th today is Friday May 25th. Ten days…. My wife left me ten days ago and I didn't even notice.

A week and a half; My God I am a horrible husband. Not once in the almost two weeks since our last argument did I reach out to her. I was just so confused and well cowardly to try and figure it out so I did what I do best; I pushed it aside and hoped it would blow over as I put myself to work.

At the beginning of the month Bella seemed happier then she has been for a while. She had been trying to wake up early so that she could see me off with a kiss. If I got home before midnight she waited up and would initiate sex before settling down to bed.

The Thursday before our fight was one of my really long days. I stayed till 1:30am at work. Tanya had stayed late to keep the coffee flowing and when I was ready to leave; her car wouldn't work so I had to give her a ride home. I had a headache by the time I got home because of too much caffeine and the noxious smell of Tanya's perfume. I swear I could smell it on me just from sitting in the car with her.

Once home I decided I was too tired for a shower tonight and opted to take one in the morning. I pulled off my clothes and threw them in the hamper. I took the time to brush my teeth but other than that I was too tired and just wanted to get into bed. Bella opened her arms to me as I got into bed. Glad for the invitation to snuggle I pulled her closer, kissing her hair and breathing in her sent. I still remember her breath on me as she did the same. Instead of relaxing into my arms as she usually does she pulled away and mumbled that she was tired. I was tired too so I just fell into sleep.

I left early the next morning Bella just looked at me from the bed. She looked exhausted and perhaps sad and distracted; so I didn't bother her except to kiss her cheek as I left. That night she wasn't home but I wasn't surprised because it was Friday and I figured she left for her dad's a day early. I worked through my weekend and she was there when I got home on Sunday night. That was the night she decided to sleep in the spare room.

The way she had looked at me. There was so much hurt and resentment in her eyes. I just don't understand how things got so bad so quick. She was happy one day and then a switch flipped and I guess I was afraid to know what changed. I am a coward, I know that now.

My wife is gone and I am to blame.

~o~O~o~

I was lost in my thoughts for some time but it wasn't until I looked at the clock and realized how truly lost I had been. It's well passed midnight but if I leave now I can make it to forks before Charlie leaves for work. If I am lucky Bella is with him.

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Do you think Bella is there?

If she isn't there where do you think she would go?

How do you think Charlie will react to a pre-dawn visit from his son in law?

**Please review** and let me know your thoughts

PS next chap is longer.

Suzanna


	6. Ch 6 He's a Fool

October 28, 2012

FYI: In my story Bella stayed with Charlie after the divorce till she was ten. She moved back in with Charlie at the end of her freshman year in high school. She was 15 going on 16 when she met Edward. Edward's family came to Forks the same year Bella moved in with her mom.

We are going to get into Charlie's head for a few chapters. This one is way longer than a drabble chapter should be but he wouldn't shut up. He has more to still to say.

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**Chapter 6: What a Fool**

**Charlie POV**

I am so angry at Edward right now that I could almost justify going driving down to his office ; which I am sure he is still at even at this hour on a Friday; and beating the tar out of his supposedly genius ass. For years now Bella has been coming alone for a weekly visit and staying for one or two nights. Edward hasn't visited with her in nearly 4 years now except for the occasional holiday.

There was a time when you would never see one without the other. Hell their senior year I decided to let him stay over on Friday and Saturday nights; damn kid was climbing the tree in the yard and sneaking in her room through the window. It was ether tell him to just use the god damned door or cut down the tree and bar her windows. I love that tree and I hate houses with bars. I am a cop not a criminal and I refuse to live behind bars. She was already 18 and even though he stayed the night they never did the deed when I was home. To my knowledge they saved that for the wedding night.

I've known Edward since his family moved to forks, it was the same year Renee Decided to be a mom and ask for custody. I am the Chief of Police and I know everyone in this town. When I found out Bella was going to be moving in with me at the end of the school year after her mother's wedding I made it a point to get more involved with the school, I was already familiar with every kid in the high school. Alice and Edward Cullen were good kids. They come from an outrageously rich family but their parents, Carlisle and Esme are very down to earth, normal people. The kids had to work afterschool jobs and keep their grades up to no less than a 3.8. Nether child was apt to date instead choosing to go to school events with groups of friends.

Edward was a shy but smart kid. He played the piano in the school orchestra and at Sunday church service. He was always tinkering with the computers. Everyone in forks used to ask him to look at their computers when they had a glitch and more often than not Edward would fix it and make it work better than new.

He got teased a lot by the kids at school because of his family's money. The Cullen's never announced their wealth but Mrs. Stanly started working in the local bank a few weeks before Bella came home. She is one of the worst gossips around. (She was fired a few months later because bank customers complained that she talked about everyone's finances.) The damage was done with the kids at the school by the first day. The kids started to call him a trust fund baby and told him he shouldn't even bother with school since he could live off his trust fund for ever.

Alice never let the comments bother her. She just laughed and told them she would need a job to live off of because she would most likely spend her trust fund with her shopping habits. Alice was known for her impulse buying. Sometimes she didn't even buy her own size because she was too into the 'zone' as she called it. The girls in forks didn't want to discourage her shopping because she would give bags and bags of clothes to the local consignment shop where she also worked after school. It was a poorly kept secret that the other girls would frequent the shop and buy Alice's designer cast offs for way less than half the original price.

I knew from the first time Bella brought Edward home that he was the one. Bella has always been a private person. She never hid her friends from me but she never really spoke about them ether. She met Edward when she needed help with the old computer that she brought with her from her mom's house. He rebuilt the thing for her and I believe it worked 10 times better after his rebuild then it did when her mom bought it. I suspect he only charged her for half the parts he put into it. If she would have let him I think he wouldn't have charged her at all.

They spent a lot of time together over the summer. He got her a job with him at Newton's outfitters and even convinced my uncoordinated daughter to go hiking with him. Within weeks it seemed as if every few words out of her mouth had something to do with Edward. A few weeks after her sophomore year started Bella asked if she could invite Edward and her brother over for dinner on her birthday.

Edward was different with my daughter then I had ever seen him before. He was open and carefree. Bella was different too. She had always been shy and quiet, very much like me but when he was around she blossomed into a talkative quick witted girl. He was such a gentleman that I might almost thought it was an act. I had seen the way that Carlisle is with Esme and I know he learned from example; how to treat a lady.

I was bothered at first by the fact that Edward comes from such a wealthy family but the more I got to know him and his parents the more I felt comfortable that my daughter was welcomed into their fold. She spent hours over at the Cullen's home working on things with Esme. I think she learned more about cooking and housekeeping from Esme then she ever did from her mother and I. Carlisle was forever tending to her bumps and scrapes. Alice tried to teach her about fashion and make-up but well that was not Bella's cup of tea.

For a while Bella was teased at school and called a gold digger and accused of going after the 'nerd' for his trust fund. I had to give Edward a few talks when he started to get into fights with boys who teased her. I told him the world is full of assholes who think they have a right to say and do whatever they want. I also told him I knew he would prove them wrong. He would make a life for himself and my girl with or without help from his trust. Bella told him that if she and Edward stopped reacting then the other kids wouldn't have any fuel for the fire.

Alice handled the girls in her own way. She stopped giving her barely used cast offs to the consignment shop and took them instead to a battered woman's shelter in Seattle. It took a few weeks for the girls to notice but when one of them asked her if she stopped shopping she not so politely explained that there was no way on earth she was going to share her clothes with the mean spirited girls in this town and she had found a much more worthy place to give them.

By the end of the year the teasing stopped and Bella and Edward had been accepted as a couple. I grew to love Edward like a son just as I had seen Carlisle and Esme do with my Bella. I think they knew too; that Bella and Edward were true soul mates.

Renee on the other hand never warmed up to Edward. From the first time she met him at Christmas she didn't like how close the kids were. She always felt that the biggest mistake she had made in life; was marrying me and having a baby before she turned 20. She felt she cheated herself out of having a life. When we divorced I kept custody of Bella till she was 10. When Renee felt she had gotten to spread her wings and fly for a while she decided to settle down for a bit she asked for custody of Bella. For five years Bella lived with her mom. I worried about her constantly. Renee was flighty and irresponsible and I could only imagine that Bella had to Parent her mom more than the other way around.

Renee met Phil in a sports bar when Bella was 14 they dated for a year then made plans to marry and travel around with the minor league baseball team Phil played in. The plan was made for Bella to come back to me right after the wedding. I think Bella was happy to come home to me. She loved her mom and never wanted to hurt her feelings by asking to move back with me but I suspect Bella was the one to put the idea in Renee's head about traveling with Phil.

With every holiday visit Renee became more and more irritated that Bella was still dating Edward. She grew to dislike him more; she was never good at hiding her feelings and this put a wedge between Bella and her mother.

When Edward proposed to Bella during their Graduation party; Renee lost it. She went off on a tangent and said things that hurt our daughter beyond words. She accused Bella of dating him because of his trust fund and that she was only looking for the easy life. She harped on the idea that Edward would never be able to provide for her without his family's money. She raged at Bella about making her mistakes of marrying too young and warned her that a baby would just ruin her life. By the end of the evening Renee told Bella that she refused to talk to her unless she agreed put a hold on the engagement till she reached the age of 25. Bella retorted that since she was such a horrible life ending mistake then she was going to take herself out of her mother's life.

Bella cried and stormed out with Edward and Alice at her heals. Renee argued with Phil, Carlisle, Esme and I. She could not be budged from her opinion. Unfortunately that was the last time Bella spoke to her mother. Bella tried to extend an Olive branch and invite Renee to the Wedding but she refused and sent the Invitation as well as the plane tickets back. Bella never tried again. It pained me to see the relationship between mother and daughter die.

Bella and Edward had a small wedding in the Cullen's Back yard. Though Money would never have been an issue both of them wanted something small. They only had a handful of friends between them that they wanted to share the day with and our families are both small. Edward wanted to pay for the wedding himself with the money he had already made in his business. I had to convince him that as the Father of the bride I had a duty and a privilege of paying for the wedding. In the end he paid half and allowed his parents and me to pay for the rest. He has never accepted a dime from anyone since.

When I think about it that may have been the first sign of what was to come. I think all the teasing he endured about having a cushy trust fund really bothered him more than any of us knew. He has always been adamant about not using it for anything. I think he works so god damn hard so that he doesn't ever have to touch his trust. Thing is he has made so much now that he may never have to work again; but it isn't enough. Every time I have seen him at holiday get together he always tells me not to worry about Bella; He is providing for her.

The boy's a fool. As angry at him as I am; I also pity him. Losing Bella is going to destroy him.

* * *

**Well it sound's like Bella isn't in Forks. I wonder where she is and who she is with. **

**We get a little bit of insight into Edward and what has made him into a workaholic in the first place. What are your thoughts about his history?**

**Please Review and Give me your Thoughts.**

**Suzanna**


	7. Ch 7 She's a Fool Too

November 1, 2012

**She's a Fool Too**

**Still Charlie POV**

When Bella started to come for visits by herself I knew something was wrong. She never came out and said anything negative about Edward or their marriage; but the cop in me just knew. I kept my mouth shut and observed. There was never any evidence of Bella feeling afraid of or intimidated by Edward in any way. She didn't have any more bumps or bruises than would otherwise be normal for my poor uncoordinated daughter.

I felt sure that whatever was going on was not abuse. It isn't something I talk about a lot but before I decided on getting my degree in criminal Justice, I had planned on being a psychologist specializing in victims of abuse. I had been drawn to this field because one of my close childhood friends, Laurent, had an abusive father. I remember seeing the things he and his siblings went through. One day his dad beat his mother so bad that she was hospitalized. James Hunter went to prison for a few years and Laurent and his siblings moved back to Canada to live with their grandmother.

Half way into my psych studies I bumped up into Laurent. He told me that as soon as his father had gotten out he found and killed his mom, sister and grandmother. Laurent and his Riley had witnessed the whole massacre from under the bed. They were lucky to escape notice and live to testify against their dad. Larry, as he went by now told me how he and his brother were adopted by the officer who had first responded to the emergency call. Officer Manning had made a promise to those boys that night that he would not stop looking for James Hunter (coward ran after killing half his family) was found. True to his word he caught the ass and brought him to justice.

I had already been told by my professors that though I may be a good psychologist, it might not be the best career for me. One of them said that I may seem thick skinned that I was really a big softy and that hearing the pain of so many abuse victims may wear me down very quickly. After hearing Larry's story I talked to my adviser about criminal Justice. From that day on it was my goal to protect, serve and if need be bring assholes like James Hunter into the hands of those who would bring justice to those he harmed.

Edward was not abusing my daughter but he was neglecting her. That became apparent not just by his absence for weekend visits but the fact that Bella had little to say about him when she was here. When they were dating and even when they were first married just about every other thing Bella talked about had something to do with Edward; now she said very little about him. She talked about her studio and the works she had sold. She talked about her the books she was reading or the charitable work she did. She spoke more about what Esme wrote in her letters from Paris than things she and Edward did together.

Most of the residents of Forks figured out right away that Edward was a workaholic and refrained from questioning Bella about him. Unfortunately Jessica Newton, and her slutty friend Lauran Mallory, never missed the opportunity to ask Bella where her 'hot hubby' was. They would often insinuate that he was probably working his secretary more than he was working. "Think what you may, I can't stop you but I will tell you that you don't know my husband and you don't know anything about our marriage." She would tell them.

Other than making a suggestion to Bella that she should invite Edward here for a visit I didn't interfere. First of all Bella is a grown woman and I know she would be furious at me for butting into her business. She is personal like me, I never tolerated it when my Uncle John tried to tell me anything about Renee and I know she would be just like me. Secondly, I was secure in the fact that Bella was safe in her marriage and the few times I did see Edward I could still see how he loved her and doted on her. I really don't think he realized that he was neglecting her for his work. When he was away from work and Seattle in general he focused solely on her. Truth be told though I was already planning to make a surprise visit to Seattle if things didn't change soon.

When Bella missed a weekend visit I thought that it might be a good sign. I thought Edward and Bella might be spending the weekend together. When she showed up on a Tuesday morning with puffy red eyes and tear streaked cheeks; my hopes were dashed. All I could do was open my arms to her and let her cry it out.

I took the chance of asking her what happened. I listened quietly as she told me everything. I learned how Edward started to stay at work later and later. I listened to how his secretary recently started to do things to upset Bella. I also learned that my son in law talks in his sleep and that the things he said along with the way he would behave gave Bella reassurance that his heart and body still belonged to her.

Bella then told me about the perfume on his face and hair but not on his chest or neck. (She is smart; if he had slept with the woman chances are her perfume would be strongest on his chest.) She also told me what he said in his sleep that had devastated her. Bella told me where she was that weekend and why. I begged her to call Edward and tell him but she flat out refused. She said there was no point what happened and nothing could change it so why tell him after the fact. She also explained that it had been the last straw. Can't say as I can blame her but I know nether of them will be happy without the other. I just wish they could get there acts together and fix things.

Maybe with some time apart and maybe getting some counseling they will be able to come together again. They both made mistakes. His are evident but she made her share too. I think she was too passive and understanding. She should have put her foot down years ago and explained what she wanted and expected from him. I also really believe she should have told him what happened two weeks ago. I guess she's a fool too.

* * *

**POP QUIZ**

1. Do you think Charlie should have interfered sooner?

2. Do you think Bella would have been angry at him if he did?

3. If Charlie had interceded how or what could he have done?

4. Bella believes Edward didn't cheat but what could he have said in his sleep that pushed her over the edge?

5. Bella wasn't with Charlie the weekend before she left and she wasn't home that weekend; where do you think she was?

6. What do you think Bella is hiding from Edward?

Sorry it took long to update this but I have been having drama in my life (Dumb shit regarding my poor Blackberry that got drowned in the cat's water bowl, getting a replacement and getting the replacement setup. ) I also had to get my preschool class ready for Halloween and our big party. Holidays are a bear and a half for teachers.

Anyway I'd like to thank everyone who has added me to their listed or subscriptions. And I really would love to hug everyone who reviews. Thank you from the tip of my toes.

Suzanna


	8. Pressure

November 23,2012

I hope all my American Readers had a happy thanksgiving. Those who are not american I hope you had a really good ordinary Thursday. This chapter is a bit long for a Drabble but it will be the last in Charlie's POV. this story is primarily been planned out to be Edwards POV with some of Bella in the end. though we will get some here and there though other means.

For anyone Interested I am Betaing a good story by** Jane210** called **The Family we Make ** Imagine if Renee had met up with Joham and became one of his Science experiments with creating Hybrids. The child she carries could kill her; but someone is waiting to help her. How will Renee fare through her pregnancy and delivery? Little Bella grow's up in the tropical Rain forest far from forks, but what forces of fate will eventually lead her to her to her future mate?

Please check out her story because it really is worth a chance.

* * *

**Chapter 8 Pressure**

**Still Charlie POV**

Bella stayed with me for only a week. I knew she needed the rest after what she had gone through. I took off work so that I could take care of her. Two days into her stay she got a visit from one of her old high school friends. Angela and Bella had been close both as young kids in Elementary school and later when she came back to Forks. She comes from a good family with deep roots here in forks. Her dad is still the Pastor at First Presbyterian here in town. Like Bella and Edward; Angela married her high school sweetheart months after graduation.

Ben Chaney was a fine boy. He never got in much trouble, his grades were good, and he had plans for their future. He joined the Marines for a 4 year tour where he saw active duty in the Middle East. When he came home we were all so proud that the town held a party for him at the Lodge. After the military he started school at UW. He wanted to study criminal Justus and join the FBI. Two months into his studies he walked in on a convenience store robbery. He was shot while helping apprehend the perpetrator; and died on his way to the hospital.

I remember how distraught Angela had been at his funeral. She hardly spoke and her eyes looked empty and haunted at the same time. She seemed to avoid most of her family and friends. Her parents offered to let her move back home but she refused saying that of all the places in this world; Forks held to many painful reminders of what she lost.

Angela doesn't come around much anymore but I knew that Bella and Angela occasionally met for lunch. Bella has mentioned to me that after Ben's passing, Angela ended up with another of their old classmates, Eric Yorkie. I have to say that I never liked Yorkie. When they were kids he was the one who ran around pestering all the girls. When they were teens I had caught the boy a few too many times in compromising positions with his laptop and a bottle of lotion in his car on the back roads.

I know Bells isn't comfortable around Eric but he was nowhere in sight so l thought the visit would be good for Bella. I let her in and told her to go on up to Bella's old room. It was nearly noon so I heated up the soup that Sue had brought and made a grilled cheese sandwich to go with it. Lately around the house I usually leave my shoes off because Bella seems to prefer it quiet. I could hear their voices as I climbed up the stairs and though I couldn't hear what they were saying the tone told me that something was amiss. My cop's intuition over road the part of my brain that told me to give my daughter her privacy; I stood just outside her slightly open door to listen.

"Bella, it's not bad really. He takes good care of me; he wants to take care of you too. Edward doesn't pay any attention to you but Eric is home every day. If you moved in with us we would both be there to take care of you."

"Oh Angela I knew things with you were a bid off but I didn't know it was this bad. Can't you see how warped this is? Ok I suspected he was working in the porn industry but to find out that he pulled you into it; that isn't taking care of you. He is using you."

"He does take care of me. He loves this baby even if we aren't sure it's his. Bella please, just think about it. I know he would be so happy if you joined us; did you know he has always had a thing for you. You wouldn't have to work with us but he said if you wanted to you could choose to work with just him."

"Ugh! Ang…. I have a husband that I love. I will always love Edward and no matter what happens from this point on I won't cheat on him."

"He Neglected You! He is so far up his own ass with his precious company that he doesn't even know you left him. I have been telling you to leave his ass for months."

"You are right about that. But I am not leaving him and running into the arms of another man; I am leaving for my own sanity. I know sometimes I hate him but I wouldn't hate him so much if it weren't for the fact that I love him as much as I do and I am hurt. I need to find myself again." Bella sighed deeply. "I need my space to heal. I don't know for sure where I am going to go but when I get settled I want you to leave Eric, and come stay with me."

"I can't leave him… Bella he is the only one who was there for me after Ben died."

"No Ang he wasn't. We were all there but you pushed us away. You disappeared on us for years; if I hadn't bumped into you at a lingerie store we would never know you were still alive. You're still pushing people away. I go to church here every week and I never see you there. Your mom asks me about you every week. Your dad gives me letters for you from your little brothers. Do you pick up a phone and call them? How long has it been since you stepped foot in church; any church? "

"God wouldn't want me anymore?" she whispered.

"Your wrong Angie, he is waiting for you with open arms."

"Bella I can't leave him. He won't let me. As it is he is going to be upset that I can't convince you to join us. He has been talking about it since we reconnected."

"Do you want out?" I didn't hear her reply but I did hear Bella call for me.

"Dad, I know your there I can smell the chicken soup and the burnt grilled cheese. We need your help."

o~O~o

We ended up calling in Reverend Webber and his wife as well as some of Seattle's finest. As it turns out Mr. Yorkie is involved in more than just mainstream pornography. He has a hand in the underage market and possibly human trafficking as well. Angela didn't know about anything other than his cover business of Family Photography till after they were married. He used drugs on her during their honeymoon. While she was high he made her sleep with many men and do things that she would never willingly do. He filmed everything and threatened to send a copy to her parents and to Ben's parents. He didn't use drugs on her after that but his control over her compounded through other forms of manipulation and torture.

After hearing Angela's story her parents cried with her and offered her their love and support. Angela is afraid to stay in forks but they arranged for her to stay with her Dad's cousin for now but there is a possibility that she may go into witness protection if the feds find evidence that Yorkie is involved in human trafficking.

I was proud of the way that Bella handled the situation with Angela. It made me sad to know that the Webber girl has suffered so much but part of me is pissed that she tried to pressure my girl to join in on the suffering. I get that she is scared of her husband and she was trying to please him but it still isn't reason enough in my mind.

Bella told me that Angela had been telling her to leave Edward and offered her a place to stay; not that Bella would really need the help. She makes enough off her art to make it on her own. Bella also told me that her decision to leave was one she made for her own reasons and not because of Angela.

o~O~o

Over the week Bells was with me we had a few really long talks. I told her that I regret not interfering when I saw how Ed was neglecting her and she pointed out that my invites to go fishing were my subtle way of trying to get him alone; he just couldn't find the time. She told me that she would have been pissed if I had done more than that. She asked me repeatedly not to call him. She said he would seek me out eventually.

I tried to convince her to go back and talk to him but she told me that she couldn't. I cry right now thinking about her words.

"Daddy, I know I love him but right now I am so mad and hurt with him that I hate him too. I think if I stay I will just hate him more; I don't want that. I need time to heal and learn to be stronger. Who knows if we were ever truly meant to be together? You know that saying about if you love something set it free and if it comes back to you…. I am setting us free and maybe if we are meant to be we will find our way back.

She talked long into the night to some friends she know from her artwork. She refused to tell me anything about them other than that they were good people that she could trust. By the end of the week she packed her bags and had me drive her to SeaTac. She won't tell me where she is going but promised to buy a phone at the airport and call me as soon as she can. She gave me the name of a lawyer who will forward any letters or packages for me.

That was three days ago. I haven't gone back to work yet because I am waiting for my Idiot Son in law to show up. I know when he does he is going to be a mess. It will be 11 days come sun rise since she left him. No more come 6 am I am going to drive there and kick some sense into his ass.

The sound of tires screeching to a halt broke through my thoughts. I could hear running footfalls racing to up my porch steps. I ran to the door and opened it before he could pound on the door. Behind him his car was still running in park and his door was open.

Before I could stop myself I cocked my fist and popped him one on the jaw. The look in his eyes as he cradled his jaw asked if she was here. I shook my head and watched all hope leave his eyes. I opened my arms and he fell into them with a sob. All I could do was hold my son in law as I had my daughter when she arrived less than two weeks ago.

* * *

**POP Quiz.**

1. Why would Charlie feel the need to take leave from work to take care of Bella?

2. How much do you think that Angela's pressure to leave Edward had on Bella, or do you think that it really had nothing to do with her decision?

3. Poor Angela, she isn't bad but she was living in a very bad situation where she didn't know how to get herself out. Do you think that Eric is going to try to harm Angela or even Bella when he finds out that he as been ratted out to the authorities.

do you think Bella went? How can she be so sure that her Art friends are trustworthy?

_To anyone interested in joining my facebook group the link is in my profile. Please REVIEW_

_Suzanna_


	9. Crushed

November 24, 2012

Hello my readers. Here is another chapter for you. There is going to be something in there that came as a surprise to me but as I was typing the voices in my head dictated it so it got put in.

For those interested in unique stories I have one for you by Jane 210. it is called Family we make. You can find it in my favorites or using this story number in the search section. 8700061/1/Family-we-make. It is a story line I have never seen before and she does a good job with Character development.

* * *

**Chapter 9: Crushed**

**EPOV**

I know I cried as a child.

**I cried** when we left our home in New Hampshire to live in a quiet rural place where no one knew about Carlisle Cullen, the heir to the Mason fortune. Mom and dad had, had enough of false friendships and aristocratic snobbery. They wanted Alice and me to have a normal childhood. I left my school and my friends and everything I knew to come live in a quiet town on the other side of the continent.

**I cried** when we went to Chicago for Grammy Platt's funeral. She was the only grandparent I had known. Dad's parents died before he finished med school. Grandpa Platt died two months after walking mom down the aisle. Grammy was the only family we had left. Mom and dad are both only children of only children. We have no aunts or uncles, no cousins. I cried because I missed Grammy but I also cried because I realized that all we had was each other.

**I cried** the day I found out that the most beautiful kind hearted angel in the world was getting teased and ridiculed because we were together. My family didn't hide the fact that we had money but we never elaborated on how much we had. We did own a large home but with a father who was a doctor with multiple specialties' and a mother who owned an interior design firm; people had no reason to look further. Until one day a nosy bank employee went snooping. She disclosed not only my parent's financial information but mine and Alice's as well. Overnight I went from a computer geek to that rich guy who would never have to work a day in his life. Bella went from the shy girl dating that geek to being a conniving gold digger; as far as the kids at school were concerned. Her pain and humiliation bothered me more than I could ever express.

**I cried** tears of joy when she said yes to my marriage proposal.

And I cried with her when she fought with her mother over our marriage. I tried to make it better by sending her tickets with the invitation but Renee returned them with a nasty note saying she would not stand by and condone the celebration of a life altering mistake.

**I cried** with Bella as we vowed ourselves to each other. It had been and is still the happiest day of my life.

**I cried** the night that Bella moved her things into the guest room.

Since the moment I read her goodbye letter I haven't stopped crying. Thank God that the traffic was light because I don't know how I drove the distance from Seattle to Forks without crashing. My only thought was to go to her. I can't think of anywhere she would go. My gut is telling me that I don't know my wife as well as I should and I can't help if but I fear she isn't going to be there or anywhere else I expect her to be.

My heart jumps when I turn down Charlie's street and see Bella's car in his drive. I don't even remember parking or getting out of the car I just want to get into the house and up to her room. I see is Charlie walking out of his house and his fist; just before it made contact with my face. The physical pain actually cleared my head. The small shake of Charlie's head told me the answer to the question I was too afraid to ask. She's not here. Just like her clothes and all her other belongings she left her car.

The last words she ever said to her mother echo through my mind.**_ "If I was such a mistake that ruined your life, then guess what; you never have to worry about me or even think about me again. I am taking myself out of your life. You will never hear from me again."_** To my knowledge she never contacted her mother or Phil again. Phil tried but Bella asked him to just let it go and take care of Renee. He sends her cards on holidays and her birthday but she never responds. To my knowledge Renee has never made an effort to contact Bella ether. I thought about the letter she left me. _**"I'm ending my life with you."**_ There is no hope. She is out of my life.

A vice constricts my chest. I feel as if it is literally crushing the life out of me. Charlie opened his arms to me and I fell into them. The vice constricted further trying to make my whole body implode into dust. Charlie's arms where the only thing holding me together.

The Vice restricted further till I felt like I couldn't breathe. After that, only darkness.

Just one question.

What just happened to Edward?

Review me with your thoughts and I might give you a sneak peek into my mind if you are close.


	10. Too Much

December 2, 2012

Hello all. I am back with the next chapter. From here on we may do some small time jumps. I don't think this story will be as long or involved as my previous VA stories.

FYI if anyone is looking for a good story with lots of original Ideas then Check out Family we make. The premise is different than any other that I have read and it deserves a read and a review. You can find the story on my favorites list.

* * *

**Chapter 10: Too Much**

**EPOV**

Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep

Damn that incessant sound. My head feels like it is underwater. I can't think straight. I want to wake up but I can't pull myself out of this haze. I hear Charlie's voice from somewhere far away.

"Hello Doc, are you a therapist working with the Cullen's?"  
"Oh…. Ah this is his Father in Law; I found your number in his phone; under Love Doctor?"  
"Just a friend huh? Well I hope I'm not over stepping my bounds; or maybe it is about time I do…. Sorry just talken to myself. I don't know how close a friend you are but I think he can use a friend right now." Charlie's voice fades

Time passes and this time when I try to open my eyes; I am rewarded with the glaring light of overhead fluorescents. I try to cover my eyes but when I try to lift my hand I am shocked by the sight of an IV tube jutting out of my arm and a pulse/ox monitor on my finger.

My head feels foggy and I feel like I can't think straight. The door opens and Charlie walks in. Seeing him brings back my memory of the last few weeks. My chest begins to restrict again and the monitor goes nuts. The accelerating beeps tell me that my heart rate is going fast which in combination with the pain in my chest makes two words flash to mind. Cardiac Arrest! Oh God it's getting worse.

"Calm down son. You're having an anxiety attack. Breathe with me; in, **one, two; out, one, two."** He says slowly. A nurse runs into the room but he pushes her aside and forces me to focus on him as he continues to guide my breathing. By the time the nurse returned with a Doctor and a guard; Charlie has calmed me down somewhat. Unfortunately just as the attack was over the tears and the sobs started anew.

Part of my mind was vaguely aware of the doctor printing off the tape from the heart monitor. What I was more aware of was the fact that I was being held in a fatherly embrace by the man who should hate me as much as I hate myself. I cried till I was too exhausted to do anything else.

My mind stayed fuzzy and I am not sure how much time passed but I know it did. I didn't care about time or anything really. It was so strange I almost felt split; part of me was only aware of the wall that I faced, another part was aware that things were going on around me and yet another part of me felt dead.

The part of me that was aware of only the wall was most dominant. All it wanted was to be lost in the light blue color. It fought hard when anything tried to pull me from the wall. It knew that there was pain in acknowledging anything else. The pain was always there but the calm blue of the wall dulled it. The only thing that dulled it further was sleep.

The part of me that was aware of the world around me only registered the presence of certain people. They spoke to me I know this because I heard their voices but for the life of me I didn't know what they said; well almost. I do remember them asking me if I wanted them to try to contact Bella. For a brief time I snapped. I knew that after everything I did or didn't do for her; I couldn't guilt her into coming back to me. I couldn't stop myself from the way I reacted; I had to make sure they didn't call her. They have to leave her alone. Someone grabbed my arm and fiddled with my IV then sleep took over.

The part of me that felt dead was the part of me that knew. It knew what I didn't want to acknowledge. It knew that my reason for living was gone.

Time passed. The foggy feeling in my head began to recede. The wall was still my focus but I became more aware of who was with me: Charlie, Dad and Emmitt McCarty. It confused me that any of these men would be here with me. Charlie has more reason to hate me than I can count. He trusted me with his daughter and because of me she has gone; not just from my life but I suspect from his too. My Dad has reason to be disappointed and disgusted by my lack of regard to my wife. He set the best example of how to be a loving husband and somehow I forgot his example. Emmitt McCarty barely knows me but even he could see the mistakes I was making.

"Hey there Eddie" Emmitt's face cut into my view of the wall. "We are springing you today. We would have gotten you out of here sooner but we had to get creative with getting 'Power of Attorney' rights given to your dad." You've been kinda out of it but that's mostly cuz the doc her has had you meds for anti-anxiety. Your dad had to pull some strings with the chief of staff but we got them to wean you off the juice. Don't worry we are going to take care of ya."

"She's gone. There isn't any point to anything anymore."

"Yes there is. There is always hope, from what her pop told me she isn't looking for divorce. That tells me she still loves you. One day you will find your way back to one another, and when that day comes you need to be ready to work things out. That means you have to have your shit together. The love Doctor is going to help you with that and between your Dad and I we will take care of your company."

I know that it would be a slim chance that she would ever come back to me but there was something in the way Emmett spoke to me that gave me hope. For my Bella I decided that I have to take hold of that slim chance. Part of me is anxious about leaving my company in the hands of others but Emmett is right. I have to get my shit together and be ready. When she comes home I will prove to her that I love her. I won't ever give her reason to doubt me again.

"Tanya, she will be able to help you. She knows more about that company than anyone besides me. I don't know what I would do without her."

A yell and a bang sounded before I even finished my sentence. My movements felt slow and sluggish but I turned to the sound. Charlie was leaning against the wall next to a fist sized hole. My dad spoke to him in whispers as he gently guided him out the door.

~*o*O*o*~

Before I was released Dr. James informed me that I have to make some drastic changes. For now all I have suffered is panic attacks; bad ones. But I am showing the warning signs of heart problems. The past few years that I have been working so hard has taken a toll on my body: I have gained 60 pounds, I don't sleep enough, I don't eat right and I consume way too much caffeine.

Seems like my whole life is about to be reconfigured.

* * *

No Quiz but did anyone catch it. Bella's last straw is in here. Let me know if you found it.


	11. Chapter 11

December 25 2012

Merry Christmas to all my readers. Well this is definitely a Drabble Chapter I honestly think this is the shortest thing I have ever posted (ANs Included) there isn't much actually happening but it gives you a bit more of the chaos going on in Edwards head.

* * *

**Chapter 11: Laugh or Cry, Live or Die**

Edward POV

I don't want to go back to my home. I don't want to feel how cold it is without Bella. I don't want to be there without her. I can't fathom the fact that she is out of my life; gone. It cuts me like a knife in the chest.

The situation is almost laughable; here I have had her there for me for almost 10 years and I ignored her. Now that she is gone all I want to do is shower her with love and attention. Underneath my dead exterior I am in a state of extreme indecision. I have a manic desire to laugh at myself for being such a fool. What kind of idiot has the most precious treasure; a loving heart, but lets it go un-cherished as if it were of no value? I want to cry when I think of how my Bella must have felt to do something as drastic as leaving. Yet the part of me that isn't laughing and crying internally at my stupidity is wishing to end its suffering and is contemplating ways to die.

The more that I think about the little things the bigger the knife wound tears itself into a gaping hole. I keep thinking about how lonely I feel. I know that I haven't had much in the way of daily interaction with her the last few years but I knew she was there. I smelled her hair as she slept beside me. I could come home to the sound of her breathing. When I contemplate my own loneliness I can't help but think about how lonely my Bella has been in our home without me.

I keep reminding myself of what Emmett said. I have to hold on to hope that Bella and I will one day find our way back to one another. It is this though that gives me strength. I know it will be hard but I have to choose life. If I killed myself and ended my pain I would be denying Bella the chance to ever confront me for the neglect I have committed. If I Died there would be no chance to make amends to the loving hands that hold my heart.

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No Quiz today but please review and I will try to get a longer chapter out maybe by New Years. If not by then then by my 41st Birthday on the 7th.


	12. Beginning to Heal

April 1 2013

Ok I admit it has been more that a couple weeks since I last posted. It is hard to get into writing this because I just want to jump to the happily ever after but if I did that the story would suck. It is hard to get into Edwards head because he is really depressed. All I can do is apologize and offer the fact that the next chapter is more than half done. and will hopefully be posted soon. The next Chapter is going to be Edward POV. I am still working on all my VA stories too and I hope to get something posted for She Called Him Comrade or Love Wielder's Journey soon.

* * *

**Beginning**** to heal**

Carlisle POV

It has been a few months since we brought Edward home from the hospital. For the first few weeks I stayed with Edward in his condo till Esme was able to make the move back to Washington. She purchased a home in a quiet upper scale aria outside Seattle.

Emmett and his Wife Rosalie moved into a larger condo a floor down from Edward's. They asked a few of Rose's cousins to help them out with the daily operations of Emmett's companies. Emmett and Rose spend much of their time with Edward.

It is funny how close Esme and I have begun to feel to the McCarty family. We had always wanted more children but Esme had to have a hysterectomy due to complications from a miscarriage she suffered a year after she had Alice. In a strange way I almost feel as if Emmett, Rose and their children have filled a place in our family that we hadn't thought about in a long time. Rose has told me that Emmett has admitted that Edward is the little brother he always wanted. Alice and Jasper may be moving back to Washington in the next few years so that the kids can grow up in the states with family. Now if we can get our Bella back then our family will truly be complete.

From the beginning; part of our game plan was for me to take over for Edward at Cullen Computing for a few months so that he can get himself straightened out. I had position of his Blackberry since Charlie handed it to me along with all the rest of Edward's belongings at the hospital. I checked it and there were two texts from his secretary asking if he would be coming into work over the weekend. I replied with simply [Taking a week off please move all appointments back by a week and a half.] I didn't feel comfortable giving out any information regarding Edward's condition so I left out the fact that it wasn't even Edward replying.

Edward stayed in the hospital for 4 days. By Tuesday she had text five more times with details regarding meeting changes and offers to stop by and drop off files. She called at least twice a day. I let her calls go to voicemail but checked them to ensure that it was nothing vital. Her calls were never important. Early on I could see that she was part of the problem.

Charlie didn't come out and say it but I knew that somehow Edward has allowed his secretary to interfere with his marriage. (It was kind of hard to miss the fact that Charlie punched a hole in the wall when Edward mentioned how helpful Tanya would be to me.) Charlie was very tightlipped about anything Bella had told him but he did open up and tell me about the fact that Edward has not been a strong presence in Bella's life for a while. He explained that it was something he had learned through observation and that Bella never said anything negative about her husband till the day she showed up on his doorstep; and even then it was apparent to him that she still loved him with all she had.

Those first few days that Edward was home were the most heartbreaking. He didn't sleep well but I made the choice not to give him any kind of sedative or antidepressant. Though I think those kinds of medications do have their purposes I also recognized that my son has an addictive personality. He has been addicted to work and success and I don't want him to exchange that for a drug dependency. Emmett agreed with me about the idea that Edward needs to learn to work through this with the support of family friends and good sound therapy.

There were many night that Edward would wake up several times calling out for Bella only to go through a crying jag when he realized she was gone. During the day he would want to just sit there and look through their photo albums. (I didn't go unnoticed by me that there were less and less pictures of Edward with Bella in the more recent years.) Edward found an album that was filled with pictures from Bella's Gallery. Pictures of Bella painting taken by an assistant that Edward didn't even recognize. He was surprised to learn that Bella even held several viewings of hers and other local artist's work.

He was even more surprised when I told him that Esmé and I both knew about her viewings because she shared the information with Esmé through her letters. I was able to tell him that Bree was the name of Bella's assistant. She's a local artist from UW and she is also a single child being raised by her father. Bella had spoken very highly of her and even said she reminded her of herself.

It really bothered me to see how much distance had grown between my son and his wife. I feel really guilty about it because I can't understand how we didn't see it before. I could kick myself because the signs were there. Bella was always the one to answer when we called and she seldom called us herself; though living on the other side of the world makes phone calls tricky so we never questioned it. When we asked where Edward was she would simply say he was working on something. When she would tell us about things that were going on she infrequently mentioned Edward. She mostly emailed or sent letters by post every month or so telling us how things were going in regards to her art or what was happening around forks. As for mention of Edward in she would say that CHPCS as she called it was doing well because of Edward's dedication and hard work. How could we have been so blind?

I would have liked to have been the one to help Edward but Emmett was the one who Edward responded to the most. It was Emmett who made him get up in the mornings and go for a run before working out. It was also Emmett who convinced him to seek therapy. Rosalie was a good cook and she kept us all well fed but fed with healthy balanced meals. Having Rose and Em's kids around has been both wonderful and painful. In one sense they are like grandchildren that Esmé and I have adopted along with their parents. It makes me miss our grandkids; Alicia, Jaden and Jasper Jr. Edward has only met Alicia a few times and has yet to meet the twins.

Em and Rose have 5 kids Emma Rose, Kristen, Teagan, Seth, and Averi. Each one is within 11 months to two years apart from the one younger with the youngest turning two in August. Rose is due to give birth to another one within days of Averi's birthday. They don't know what they are having yet because they like the thrill of finding out when it is born.

I think for Edward it has been especially hard getting to know Em's kids. He and Bella used to talk about having a whole bunch. Bella wanted to start having kids as soon as they were married but Edward was the one that suggested they wait till she was 25. His thought was that they should wait till they had finished school and had a secure income coming in and a sizable nest egg. It took a few snide comments from her classmates about trapping him with kids for her to agree with him. I was the one who administered her first depo shot before they were married. Esmé and I have been wondering when we would get the call telling us we were going to have more grandkids but we didn't want to put pressure on them. Edward plays with the kids a lot but sometimes he just sits and watches them with a sad look on his face.

I spent the rest of the first week with Edward but 9:00 am Monday morning I walked off the elevator at Cullen High Powered Computing Solutions ready to dive in and see how I could help my son. Miss Denali was waiting sitting on the edge of her desk waiting for Edward; she was surprised to see me and was not able to hide the look of disappointment in her face when she found out that Edward was taking a leave of absence and I would be filling in. I was a bit taken aback by her appearence. I had met with Miss Denali once before at a party that Bella threw for the opening of the new office. On that occasion she was dressed pretty but conservative. Her attire though still professional was also form fitted enough to give you a nice impression of her voluptuous but still well-toned body.

I had only been in Edward's office for 3 minutes when she came in with a tray containing a Banana Muffin and Coffee; I raised my eyebrow.

"There were Eggs Benedict as well but it was ready at 6:00 am and got cold. The Coffee is from the Keurig in the staff lounge."

"Um thank you Miss Denali but I already ate breakfast at home this morning and I only take one cup of coffee a day."

"Oh ok well let me know what you would like breakfast tomorrow and what time you will be in and I will have it ready for you."

"I plan on eating every breakfast at home. Do you bring Mr. Cullen all his meals? I know that there is an adequate commissary in this building; that was one of the things Edward looked for before choosing a building to rent in. Why doesn't he eat there?"

"Oh yes, well we find it much more efficient this way. You know how busy Edward is if I didn't bring him breakfast, lunch and dinner; he would starve."

"What about Mrs. Cullen? I would have thought Bella would make his meals for him."

"I know you love your Daughter in law Sir but she is an artist and she can be quite flighty. I hear she disappears every weekend with no notice. But I shouldn't say anything, I am sure she loves him in her own way." I could tell that Miss Denali was trying to sound honest and believable but she was a terrible actress.

Despite the fact that Edward was on leave she tried to call him and text him several times over the following few weeks. She didn't realize that he didn't have his phone; I did because Edward thought it would make more sense for me to keep it since it had all his business contacts and because he was really trying to distance himself from his obsession with work. I chose not to enlighten her on this fact; I was more than beginning to see that there's much more to the neglect of his marriage then just his work-o-holism. I was however relieved to note that Miss Denali was the one who preoccupied with Edward and not the other way around. In fact I don't think Edward even gave a thought to Miss Denali past the fact that she could help me with his company.

Esmé is very efficient in many things especially in real estate. Within two weeks of my return to Washington she had found and purchased a house. A little extra money and some finagling and she had escrow closed and had purchased furnishings. We stayed with Edward for a total of one month before moving to our new home.

We moved in over the weekend and on Monday Esmé showed up at lunch with a surprise picnic. We chatted happily about our weekend alone in our new home and all the changes she wanted made to make in the landscape. That very night Tanya Denali showed up on Edward's doorstep with Italian take out. Edward and Emmett were down in Emmett's apartment with the kids while Rose was making dinner for everyone up in Edward's place. I wish I could have seen Tanya's face when 7 ½ month pregnant (and still drop dead gorgeous) Rose answered his door; barefoot. Rose literally peed herself laughing when she relayed the tail to Esmé and me later that week.

I still hadn't figured out how to broach the subject of Miss Denali and her part in the estrangement between my son and his wife. Edward puts a lot of faith in his secretary and feels that she puts her heart and soul into her job. At 55 years of age I have been through and seen a lot. I can recognize a manipulative woman a mile away. With Edward out of her grasp Tanya has tried to get her claws into me. Fortunately I know her tricks and I know how to counter them. Esme is also confident enough to know how to assert her position in my life by stopping by with lunch or just randomly during the day to just say hi when she is in the vicinity. Unfortunately for my kid he was too wet behind the ears to know how to stay away from her spider's web.

I admit that part of the reason I haven't even tried to talk to Edward about Tanya is because I know Edward feels so very guilty for his neglect in the first place and I know he is barely hanging on by a thread as it is. I am afraid that if I add on the fact that he unknowingly let Tanya Denali inject her venom into his marriage; he might do something stupid.

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Ok Question time

What do you think Edward will do when he realizes the role Tanya played in pushing Bella away?

How did you like the Image of Barefood and Pregnant Rose opening the door. I wish I had that picture.

What do you think Bella is doing and where do you think she might be?

I am going to do a Q & A for you all in my next post so please give me your questions or the answers to my question and I will see you next post.

Suzanna


	13. Time

April 3, 2013 2:00 AM

Please read the AN at the bottom. I have some questions for you along with some of the feedback from a few reviewers. Thank you to everyone who is till with me and all my new readers. We all know I own nothing but the plot I am just borrowing Miss SM's toys.

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**Chapter 13 Time**

Edward POV  
5 months after Bella left.

Time is such a strange thing. Each moment seems to take forever to pass. Yet minutes morph into hours and hours into days; before I can catch my breath months have gone by. It doesn't seem right that everything keeps going. Time doesn't care that my Bella isn't here. The people that Emmett and I pass every day on our jog don't know that half my soul has left me. Even the seasons have had the callous to change from spring to summer and has now entered into fall.

Bella loved the change of weather; it was part of the reason we bought the condo overlooking a park. She wanted a house but I talked her into the condo. "Why get a house for just the two of us. When we start having kids then we'll need a house for all the Babies I want to fill you with." Well that's what I told her when we moved here from our first apartment in Kent. I meant it too; I wanted kids with her just not right off.

I don't know when I forgot about our plans to have a family. I wasn't aware of time then not the way I am how. Back then I lived in the moment and in the moment my thoughts were on finishing whatever project I was working on while planning on the next. Time spent away from work was unproductive time; time that I thought I should be applying to work. I had to provide for my Bella; I needed to make sure our nest egg could support her if anything happened to me. Surely she understood that I sacrificed time with her because I loved her and wanted to take care of her. And so time sped by me; moments turned to hours, hours to days and days morphed into years. What I didn't recognize was that what I thought was my sacrifice wasn't mine alone. I never asked Bella what she wanted; what she needed from me.

My days now are scheduled as they were before but now the schedule is very different. I wake at 5:30, meet Emmett at the door ready to go for a jog at 5:45 rain or shine. After our jog we spend a half hour at the gym in the building we live in and then head to our own condos for a shower. While dad stayed with me we would both go down to Em and Rose's for breakfast but now that mom and dad have a house; it is just me in the elevator. By 7:30 everyone has eaten and Em and I drive Emma-rose, Kristen, Teagan and Seth to school. Emmett is way too comfortable in a soccer mom car; I envy him that.

Three days a week I spend an hour with Dr. Garrett Montgomery my therapist. He is a very informal guy and likes to go by his first name. I feel comfortable with him and he has really helped me out a lot. I don't have suicidal thought anymore but at first I did. I still feel vary guilty for the failure of my marriage but I don't think any amount of therapy is going to abolish that feeling.

If I don't have therapy then Em and I will spend some time doing something constructive. He has me helping out in a community garden he insist we start in a poor neighborhood. People there don't know exactly who we are or what our monetary worth actually is but they know we are both wealthy. It took a while for them to trust us but now they welcome us every time we come. We have also helped in a weekend tutoring program to help the children in the same community and the Garden with school. There are a lot of single mothers who have tried to flirt with me but I flash them my ring and tell them I could never even think of looking at another woman. I know that the pain is still in my eyes any time I think of Bella and so most of those women that tried to flirt with me think I am a grieving widower. I have even heard them tell other's to leave me alone because I am grieving and not ready to date; I don't correct them.

I spend a lot of my time with Em's kids. Averi is the cutest little girl and 6 week old baby Robert is the most precious little man. I have to spend as much time with those two as I can during the day because the moment the older kids get home Emma Rose snatches up Averi and Kristen lays claim on Robert. I love the kids but it just makes my heart ache sometimes when I think of what Bella and I could have had.

Bella wanted to have at least 5 kids. I think she was lonely as a kid and she wanted to have lots of babies so that our kids would always have each other. The thought of Bella carrying my babies always made me feel warm and happy but instead of starting our family right away like she wanted to I convinced her to wait. I had a fear of not being able to provide for my family and the last thing I wanted was to fall into the trust fund trap. Alice and I kept contact with some of our friends in Connecticut. I knew most of them would end up spending through half their thrust funds before finishing University. It hurts me to admit but I was relieved when Lauren and Jessica's teasing caused Bella to agree to wait till she turned 25 before trying for a baby. I see how happy Emmett is with his brood and I wish Bella and I had the same.

When I first came home Dad and Emmett made sure that I was never left alone. It's embarrassing but I know they were afraid I was going to off myself. I thought about it; believe me. Emmett often said that if I hurt myself I would be cheating Bella of the chance to confront me and I would never know if she could ever forgive me. He also told me that over the years I lost myself and stopped being the man Bella married; I should try to find that man again. Dad told me that I would be hurting so many other people who love me if I hurt myself. Rose was the one who really hit home.

"Edward, Bella didn't leave you because she hated you. She left before she could hate you. She is hurt and rightfully so but she hurts because she loves you. If she came back and found out you killed yourself; I think you would be causing her more pain then you ever did being a workaholic. Emmett has told you to work on becoming the man she thought she married. I say find out who you are and what other passions you have outside of the office. Be someone who she can start over with."

When I told Garrett what they had said he said that he agreed with most of what each of them had told me. He went on to add that though he was an optimist and a hopeless romantic at heart he also felt that it was prudent to be pragmatic too. It is important to keep hope that Bella will return to me but I also have to prepare myself for the fact that it may be a very long time before she does and there is a very real possibility that she may never return or wish to reconcile. I need to find peace and happiness within myself. He also reiterated that in order for me to be able to give myself to Bella again I have to be whole.

As of last week I am now only seeing Dr. Garrett once a week and in a month it will go to every other week if I am still doing well in another three months it will change to once a month. I am both excited and scarred for the day that I don't have to go more than once a month. Garrett told me that he would have moved me to once a week months ago but that he felt it was important that I realize on my own that I was doing better. I don't think I will ever be completely better until Bella and I are reunited and have worked everything out.

I was looking for a box of handcrafted Halloween decorations Bella had made, when I came across something; Bella's journals. In the same closet with the holiday decoration boxes were two boxes containing over a hundred spiral bound notebooks. Inside the front cover of each one was the year and month; she actually used a new notebook for each month. They were kept in chronological order starting with the month that we were married and the last dating to the month she left me.

I didn't read them. I don't know if I should or if she would want me to. Part of me is afraid of what she would have written in them; I know that all her pain will be in there. At the same time I think that as hard as it might be for me to hear the truth of my actions I think it would be a way for me to really understand Bella's thought and feelings. I got my phone out and made a call to the man I've barely spoken to in so long.

"Chief Swan, what can I do for you?"

"It's me, Chief. Have you heard from her?" I know my voice is quiet and timid. I have trouble facing Charlie, even on the phone. I know my neglect has cost him as much as me.

"Eddie my boy you are still my son in law and as much as I would like to punch you again I still love you; I'm Pop to you. I haven't heard from her since the note she sent me on her birthday."

"Did you have any luck tracking her down?"

"No her lawyer is sure good and keeping things confidential. After a month of pestering he still wouldn't tell me more than he did the first time I asked."

Charlie hadn't heard from Bella at all till her birthday. She sent him a very short letter telling him that she was no longer in the US and she was doing better. The letter had a return address stamped on it from here in Seattle; Charlie drove down here only to find out the address belonged to Sam Uley Attorney at Law. He questioned Sam only to find out that he is one of Bella's middlemen. She has someone on her end who keeps contact with Sam. If we want to contact her we are to give our letters or messages to him and he forwards it to the guy on Bella's end who will give it to her. I tried to send her a letter of apology but it got returned with a note on the back of the envelope. (I am not ready.) I tried to send another but Sam told me he was asked not to forward anything from me.

Charley tried to find some clue to who Bella's middleman on her end is but he came up with nothing. Bella spent much of her childhood playing with the kids on the Rez because Charlie is best friends of the Tribal Chief. She didn't really reconnect with them after moving back but even so Charlie asked around the Rez to see if any of them knew anything. He came up empty.

"I am so sorry Charlie. I know I say it every time I talk to you but I am so sorry for fucking everything up so bad. Because of me she has left everything behind including you."

"Oh son, I knew you guys were in trouble and I should have done more than try to invite you to come fishing over a weekend. I shouldn't have worried about upsetting my daughter by interfering in her personal life. What I should have done is gone and showed up at the office, taken you to lunch and talked some sense into you like your friend 'Emmett the LUV Doctor', did; and I should have done it years ago. I am at fault here too, son."

"Pop, um I called to ask you some advice. I uh… I found Bella's Journals; all of them dating back to the month we married. I am torn on what to do with them. I think it might be good for me to read them and get Bella's point of view but I am not sure she would want me to read them. When we were young she would often share things from her journals with me but it has been so long since we were that open with each other, ya know?"

"Edward I am not going to lie to you. If you read those you will probably learn more than you want to about things you never saw. It's going to hurt… part of me wants you to know the pain my girl went through but then I realize that it might send you over the edge. Bella left them there and she told you that you could do whatever you wanted with her things. Read them if you think they will help you change but please do so with the knowledge and guidance of your therapist; especially the last few."

"Ok Pop"

"Remember son, you can call me and talk to me about anything, I still love you like my own and I know my girl still loves you. You're a good kid and you never meant to hurt our girl. Keep in touch ok?"

"Ok Pop, bye."

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OK People here is the Q&A

From: **Holidai **

I loved barefoot and pregnant Rose answering the door. I can just imagine this gorgeous, vivacious woman heavy with child and looking glorious raising one eyebrow and wanting to know what Tanya wants. ;) I think Edward will be devastated when he realizes that he allowed Tanya to do damage to his marriage. I wonder if she re-directed calls from Bella and the like. It is very sad. They so desperately needed to communicate.

**Me:** Telling Bella he was too busy to talk to her was one of the things Tanya did.

From: **Sarah Amin**

I think Edward deserves more than that... He allowed Tanya 2 push. Bella out of his life n he even welcomed it not by cheating but by his undying dedication 2 his work more than his devotion 2 his own wife... I respect

Carlisle greatly but he should have noticed How south things have gotten

**Me:** I agree that Carlisle and Esme should have seen how bad things had gotten but remember they were on the other side of the world and preoccupied with their Grandchildren. One of the big problems here is that no one was paying attention and the ones who did see the problem didn't confront it. Bella because she didn't know how to reach out to her husband and Charlie because he was afraid to interfere on Bella's personal matters thought he was just about to put his foot down and do so anyway. As For Edward he is going to see for himself what the truth is.

From: **frostedglaze **  
Maybe the first thing Carlisle and Edward need to do is change all the passwords on their computers and have an independent accountant and lawyer look up all the contracts and accounts Tanya has information on.

I hope Carlisle does tell Edward about Tanya. The sooner he knows about the gold digging whore the better. Besides who goes to her boss's house with dinner? I really want to know what happened between Tanya and Rosalie.

**Me:** I agree about having everything that Tanya has touched looked over. The sucky thing is that that would be everything for the last 6 years. Remind me in a few chapters and I will put in a description of the "surprise dinner".

_**My Questions to you. **_

****What do you think should happen to Tanya?****

**Happy Cup** wants it to be brutal with crying.

**sujari6** says If Carlisle is in charge he should dismiss Tanya and tell Edward why.

**Guest** says I can't wait until Tanya gets some kind of payback. I really want Edward to get fired up and stop being clueless about her.

**Who do you think should deal with her?  
A) Carlisle or another friend or family member?**

**B) Edward**

**C) Bella**

**D killed in a tragic accident that is unrelated.**

**I have a few Ideas on how we might deal with her but I want to hear from you. So please give it some thought and send it in a review.**

**Suzanna**


	14. Opening My Eyes

April 7, 2013

Last day of my spring break. Monday morning I am back with my preschoolers. I miss them so even though I enjoyed my time off I am glad to get back to class.

Most of you said that Edward should deal with Tanya; while a few felt Bella and Edward should do it together. I will tell you that I have a fairly good idea of how she will be dealt with and that it will include humiliation and will affect her reputation and ability to do this kind of thing to another person.

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**Chapter 14: Opening My Eyes**

**Edward POV**

Pop's warning that there is going to be a lot of thing is Bella's journals that may trigger some strong emotions in me had me a bit worried. I asked Garrett to pre-read them for me that way he knows what to expect when I come in after reading. He has them all at his office and will give me one a week. If something I read bothers me a lot, I am to call him and discuss my feeling; otherwise we will talk at each appointment.

I took out the first and sat at Bella's seat at our table. I have my own notebook out so that I write my own thoughts as I read.

_AN: Edward's notes will be italicized and in {brackets} after any paragraphs that he wants to comment on. Also Bella's journal entries are addressed to her journal whereas Edwards are addressed to Himself, Bella or another member of the family._

**Bella's Journal**

I hate my luck! I thought it was bad enough that Jessica and her parents were at the restaurant when Renee pulled her hissy fit over Edward's proposal. I never told dad or Edward but the next day Jessica and Lauren showed up at my house with teddy bear and a congratulations on the new baby balloon. I wanted to die, it's none of their business.  
_ {I wish she would have told me. I really hate that those two girls seem to enjoy hurting my girl so badly.}_

It's not that I don't want to have a baby because you know that I want that very much. The thought of carrying part of Edward inside of me for nine months makes me so wistful for the future. I know that being pregnant will be like holding God's hand while he creates something wonderful. Life is a miracle and I want to be part of it.  
_ {I never really thought about it that way but she is right; it is kind of like being part of a miracle. I can actually picture Bella with a full round belly. I bet she would be one of those women who are constantly caressing and rubbing her belly. I think I would have trouble keeping my hands off of her too. I could see us lying in bed while I sing and hum against her stomach.}_

But I'm wandering so back to the topic of my luck. Alice dragged me to about a dozen stores today looking for the perfect wedding gown. I don't really need a gown a simple white sundress with work just fine. I tried to get out of it but she wouldn't budge. As far as she was concerned I needed to get a dress this weekend or else the whole wedding would have to be put off. "The whole wedding is planned around the brides dress!" I tried to get someone to go with us as a buffer, but Esmé had a meeting with an important client and Angela had a family party to attend with Ben in Richland.

Shopping with Alice is my least favorite thing to do. She is fun to hang out with at parties or the movies and such but believe me the last thing I want to do is give her the opportunity to play Bella Barbie with me. I won't even accept Esmé and Carlisle's offer to stay with Edward at their house instead of mine. The few times that I had stayed ended with me in curlers and facial masks to bed and an hour of primping in the morning before I could even get to eat.  
_ {I always wondered why she refused to stay later than 8:30 at my folk's house. Alice does get very intense about beauty and fashion.}_

Anyway, after hours of looking she found the perfect dress; never mind that I hated it and feel like an over frosted cupcake in it. It is strapless with the top wrapping around my bust. (That part wasn't so bad it was the skirt that I really objected to.) The skirt was full (I'm talking hoop skirt and a ton of crinoline under it) with all these fabric rosettes covering every inch. I told her how much I hated it and that I wanted something simple and elegant.  
_ {No wonder Bella kept suggesting we elope. I thought she was kidding but now I think she might have been serious.}_

Thankfully Esmé called and requested we stop shopping and meet her for lunch now that she had a break between clients. We joined her at a nearby café where she asked to hear all about this dress that Alice claimed was just magical. I think she saw me cringing while Alice described the dress to her. Much to Alice's dismay and my relief Esmé insisted that we go back and look for a dress more suited to a very small outdoor wedding. The dress store manager didn't want to refund the dress that Alice ordered and didn't tell me she had paid in full. Esmé talked privately with her and got her to agree to an exchange. After all the dress was ordered but no work was done to alter it.  
_ {Thank you Mom; I think Bella is stunning no matter what she wears: I am glad my mom was there to help Bella get what she wanted.}_

Esmé forbid Alice to speak while I told a new saleslady what kind of dress I wanted. I was asked to wait in a dressing room this time with no Alice. The lady brought me 5 dresses to look at and the third dress was beautiful it had a gentle sweetheart neckline with thin shoulder straps. The fabric was soft and gauzy; the skirt was a flowing kind of A-line and I have never seen a dress with this kind of bottom. It was tea length in front and the back just grazed the floor. There was a sewn in broach just below the breasts that looked exactly like my Grandma Swan's wedding combs; this surprised me because family history claims that there are only one other set of combs like them.

My hands shook so much that I could barely take it off the hanger. The saleslady helped me put it on and buttoned the back. I think I may have cried when I saw myself. I could just imagine the look on Edwards face when he sees me walking to him in this dress. I blush to admit even to you journal that I can clearly picture Edward standing behind me undoing the frosted glass buttons while looking at my eyes in the reflection of a floor length mirror.  
_ {My Bella you were so beautiful walking towards me in that dress. If someone had told me I was dead and you were the Angel sent to bring me home I would have been happy to go. I find it Ironic that you fanaticised about me unbuttoning you while looking in the mirror because if memory serves that is exactly what I did.}_

The saleslady gave me a pair of low heal sandals that had a diamond and sapphire detail that though not matching did compliment the broach on the bodice of the dress. Both Esmé and Alice gasped when I walked out but for very different reasons. Esme's face held a smile from ear to ear and her eyes were all glassy with tears. She knew just like I did that this was my dress. Alice however had a look of disdain on her face.

"It's so plain….. Bella you only get married once! You look like you're going to a Tea Social… not YOUR WEDDING!"

"Alice Enough!" Esmé chided as she wrapped me in her loving arms. This dress is beautiful and tasteful and very elegant. It fits both the venue of the wedding and the personality of the bride. You may be a fashionista but you are not the 'be all end all' of bridal wear. Look around you and see how different each style is. Every bride envisions something different than the other. How would you like it if I chose your wedding dress for you and didn't give you any say?"

"You wouldn't?" Alice literally paled.

"Your right I wouldn't because I know you have your own sense of style and you have the right to express yourself however you want just like Bella."  
_ {Alice can't you see that you were always too pushy with Bella. You used to whine and complain about wanting to be her best friend but forcing your opinions on her like you did; well I am beginning to see why she tried to avoid you.}_

"Ahem…" the saleslady interrupted. "I would like you to know that this dress is one of a kind. It was made by a young designer Named Miki, who I believe will one day become very well known. Each dress comes with the story behind it. What the inspiration was; what the fabrics are, and also where some of the elements came from." She looked pointedly at Alice before continuing.

"The Inspiration for the dress is 'A Summer Night's Dream' and I must say that our bride looks like a dream in it. The fabric is made from special cheesecloth that was woven from a hand-spun thread of Chinese silk and fine Egyptian cotton. As you can see the effect is very gauzy, floaty and extremely soft. This dress was designed around the broach which was originally a hair comb that she found in an estate sale."  
_ {You were my every dream come true; I only wish you were here right now so that I could show you how much you mean to me.}_

I burst out in tears again when I heard this. My great, great, great, grandfather was a jeweler. He had twin daughters who married twin brothers on the same day. For a gift he made each daughter a set of diamond and sapphire combs. I thought it was an odd coincidence that the broach looked so much like Grams combs but know I think that this is another family heirloom. It took five minutes before I could calm enough to explain why I was so emotional. Once everyone heard about the two sets of Combs even Alice agreed that this had to be my dress. I asked the store to find out if the dressmaker might have recovered the forth comb; so I may be hearing back from them in a few days or so.  
_ {I remember that. Mika called us after our honeymoon. She had tracked down the sister of the woman who passed away. The lady wanted to meet you. I was so happy for you to find another relative especially someone so nice. Her step daughter was sure pissed when she gave you the comb. I hope that you are still keeping contact with her.}_

After we got the exchange settled; the hideous thing Alice ordered for the dress and shoes I chose we left for coffee and dessert. God I love Esmé, she knows when I need a break or a buffer from Alice. I love Edward's younger sister but well most of the time she is really bossy overbearing and so hyper. I love her and when it comes to the outside world she has my back but when it is my opinion against hers well…

At the Dessert Dynasty Alice started to tell me that I should be watching what I eat because I don't want to gain wait before my wedding. I just rolled my eyes as did Esmé. They have known me for a little over two years now and other than growing a few inches in height and a cup in bra sizes my waist has stayed more or less the same. Dad is the same way, he still has jeans that he wore when I was a kid. For the most part I ignored her but when she started in on how many years Edward and I were going to wait before having a family. I told her that we were still undecided. Edward wants to wait till we have a nice cushy nest egg but I want to be open to it happening on God's time.

"What does that mean? Are going off the pill as soon as you're married?"

"Alice, I may not be Catholic but my stepfather is and he explained to me his beliefs of waiting till marriage before having sex and that sex is God's gift to us for being open to creating new life."

"So you have no problem sleeping with my brother but you do have a problem with protecting yourselves from getting knocked up or are you already knocked up?"  
_ {I can't believe my sister treated you like that! It may be years after the fact but I think I need to talk to my sister regarding her treatment of you. She always told me that she wanted to be your best friend but from the looks of it she succeeded more in pushing you away. I really hope that she has improved over the years.}_

Alice thinks that Edward and I are having unprotected sex but we haven't even done it yet. We made the decision to wait and even though he stays over on the weekends we never go farther than heavy petting. There was no way I was getting into this with her at all and especially not here in public. I told her that what we do is our business. Esmé tried to rein her in but Alice can be hard to rein in. Then she went on to say that we should finish school before we have kids. She told me that if she was the one getting married then she would want at least 3 years of uninterrupted wedded bliss before popping out kids. I lost my appetite soon after that and Esmé asked for the check. Unfortunately Esmé had to get back to work and I had to endure the ride from Port Angelus back to Forks with the Opinion Nazi.  
_ {Isn't it ironic here Alice gives my Bella a hard time about birth control and waiting a few years after finishing school and marrying to have kids; and yet four years later she gets knocked up during her second year at a French university by a US serviceman on leave. Jasper Whitlock only had met Alice three days into a week's leave from his station in Germany. Miss. "I'm going to wait at least three years" got knocked up within three dates.}_

As soon as I got home I fell in bed without even writing my daily entry and I was too tired to talk so when I called Edward we just said a quick goodnight. This morning I had to work the opening shift at Newton's. Lauren, Jessica and Katrina Silva were all waiting for the doors to open. Mrs. Newton and I hurried through the opening duties before she opened the doors for customers and went to work in the back room. For the next half hour those three *bleeps* … kept saying things just loud enough for me to hear them but not loud enough for me to justify confronting them as they window shopped around the store.

"She's probably already pregnant."  
"Even his sister wonders if she is already knocked up. I heard them arguing last night when my family went to Port Angelus for dessert."  
"Could you imagine how hard poor Edward would have it trying to go to school and work his little side business while she stays home and pops out brat after brat?"  
"I thought she was planning on going to school too?"  
"Really Katrina, what does she care about school and earning her degree? The only degree she needs is her MRS. The lucky bitch will never have to work with Edward's family money. And could you imagine if she pops out a kid or two she will be set for life."

_ {I'm going to kill my sister. Her big mouth gave those harpy's fuel to hurt you. Doesn't she think before she speaks? How come she never said anything in front of me? Mom witnessed a lot of this shit… I have to call her.}_

That is only a sample of the things they said. When Mrs. Newton came out and over heard them she asked them to leave the store then she told me to take the rest of the day off paid.

I called Carlisle as soon as I got in my truck. Since moving back to Forks he has been the only doctor I have seen so I really don't know who else to go to about birth control. God it was so embarrassing. When I got to the hospital he ushered to his office while surreptitiously looking me over for injury. I think he was confused by the time we got there and he couldn't find anything physically wrong with me.

He is a really nice guy and a great doctor but I know my face must have turned 7 shades of red before I could answer the question…."So what brings you here today?" He really is wonderful though and I am grateful to be getting him for a father in law. Once I told him why I was there he put me at ease. He knows that I am still a virgin and that I have no history of female problems so he bent the rules a little by not making me go through a pap or pelvic exam though he scheduled me an appointment for a week after we get back from our honeymoon; with a female OB/GYN.

He went ahead and gave me my first injection and it should last 11-14 weeks so he also had that scheduled ahead for me as well. I have to talk to Edward and figure out how long he wants to wait. Carlisle told me that I should plan to get off birth control a year before we want to get pregnant because it could take that long for my fertility to kick in.

I know Edward will be relieved about the shots but I think it will take me a while to get used to the idea. It's not that I would have tried to get pregnant as soon as possible but my periods have always been extremely regular. Every 28 days exactly. I would have been very ok with avoiding sex during the high risk days but Alice had been very quick to point out that that takes away from the spontaneity and pulling out would be too stressful. I don't think God would have given us something we were not ready for but I also know I am not the only person in this relationship so for the sake of compromise I will give Edward peace of mind. We will come to a decision on a timeline but after that is reached I am going to get off the shots and let God make the choice.

Well it's time for dinner and Edward will be here in a few minutes, so until tomorrow.

_ {Oh my Bella, I wish I had listened more to your thoughts and feelings about birth control and having babies. It sounds to me that it cost you a lot in guilt and remorse to give me that peace of mind. I would do everything differently if I could. Please, please God, bring my Bella back to me.}_


	15. Honeymoon

_July 3, 2013_

_I know I have been trying to make this a drabble story; but guess what. I am not good at short and sweet. This chapter is not been beta read so please forgive my mistakes. This Chapter is Dedicated to those who have nudged me especially Meetabela who asked for a special Birthday gift._

_AN:Edward is reading Bella's Journal and responding to it in his own notebook. You will see his responses throughout the chapter. Edward's notes will be italicized and in **{brackets}** after any paragraphs that he wants to comment on. Also Bella's journal entries are addressed to her journal whereas Edwards are addressed to Himself, Bella or another member of the family._

* * *

**Bella's Journal  
My wedding.**

Sorry that I haven't written for a while, but journal… They don't call it wedded bliss for nothing. I have to chuckle at myself because I don't think the smile has left my face since the moment Pastor Webber pronounced us Man and Wife. I love Edward so much and knowing we belong to each other for the rest of our lives brings me more happiness then I could ever have imagined.

_{I felt the same way. I couldn't fathom the idea that you were mine. It felt like a dream. I wish with every fiber of my being that I had never woken up and lost you.}_

Esme should be a wedding planner; my wedding was perfect. Alice had tried to take over and make it the extravagant affair that would be fitting for her brother. I guess I never realized what a Big Ta Do the Cullen family really is. Apparently the family is even richer then Mrs. Stanly even knew. Not only did Carlisle come from money but so did Esme. Carlisle is the sole heir of the Mason family; a name that is just about as well-known as Dupont for all the different things they manufacture. Esme is the only child of Karen Reaser, world famous pianist and John Platt, a world renowned composer, director and producer. My grandmother Higgenbottom used to love going to see his musicals. She had playbills from every one framed and hung in her sitting room. I was beginning to feel as if we were making a mistake; that maybe we didn't belong together but Esme and Carlisle set me straight. They helped me see that the money that some people are born into doesn't make them better people. They explained that they had made the move to Forks so that their children could see that all the trappings of wealth often bring false happiness. They wanted their children to have normal lives.

_{Really Bella? How could you feel inferior to me when the truth is that I am the one who was never worthy of you. God, I can't believe Alice and her pretentiousness.}_

I don't know how Esme did it but she took the reins back from Alice and made everything perfect. It was a little bigger than I had originally planned but not overly so. I have come to realize that my original vision of just our families, Ben, Angela and her dad as our only guests was a bit understated. I cringe to think about the bar-b-que I originally requested.

_{I think I would have been happy with the tiny wedding you had in mind yet part of me would have been happy to invite all of Forks and every one of my parents old rich friends just so I could show off the wonderful, beautiful woman who had agreed to be mine.}_

Edward had wanted to pay for the whole thing himself but after my dad explained that he has been planning and saving for this my whole life just like he has for my collage fund and his retirement; Edward relented and agreed that our parents could pay for half and he would pay for the other half. I wanted to add my savings into the pot but Edward insisted that he was going to be the provider and as such he would start with the wedding. I think maybe the Edward enforced budget helped Esme pull Alice back.

_{I can't believe myself. It was our wedding; of course our families would want to pay for it. I know if we had a daughter I would want to pay for her wedding but here I tried to deny Charlie his chance. After months of therapy I see that I have an obsession with money and proving that I am capable of providing all on my own but I didn't realize it started that long ago. I guess this is something for me to ask Garrett about.}_

We still had a very small wedding but it was beautiful and elegant. Esme invited a few of Dad's friends and coworkers but they were all people I knew well and had been part of my life growing up. Some of my old playmates from La Push Reservation even came. Jake Black even brought a mud pie in honor of our favorite childhood pastime; only this pie was edible and made by his girlfriend Leah. There were some doctors from Forks General there too but they were all familiar faces from my numerous trips to the ER. Also in attendance were some of mine and Edward's favorite teachers. All in all we had 50 guests instead of my original 11.

_{I agree that she did a wonderful job. We never did get a taste of that pie. Mom told me that both our dad's ate it.}_

The food was to die for. Both Edward and I share the fact that Thanksgiving Dinner is our favorite meal. Esme had the caterers make a Thanksgiving style feast for us, minus the pies. The cake was lovely. It had three tiers. The top layer was deep dark chocolate with a milk chocolate mousse filling and covered with a white chocolate ganache Edward and I also share a love of dark chocolate. Between you and me I think he smells slightly like chocolate mint_. _

_{Funny, to me you smell like strawberry's n cream with a hint of chocolate.} _

I think the most extravagant thing she did was hire a DJ from one of the radio stations in Seattle to play for us. Esme befriended her a few years ago when she had redecorated her home and she was only too happy to do this for us. She played a little bit of everything and had everyone on the floor dancing. Our first dance was to a song I had only heard on the weekends when Edward would hum me to sleep; only this time it had words and was backed up with piano and guitar. Both are instruments I know my wonderful husband plays. (I love saying that…My Husband.)

_{I started composing that song the same week we met. I knew even then that you were the one for me. How innocent and optimistic we were then. I miss holding you while you slept. When we were first married you used to call me your beloved and husband in your sleep. I just now realized that you don't do that anymore. I guess I should have treated you like a beloved wife if I wanted you to think of me as your beloved husband in your dreams.}_

Sandi the DJ later told me that she let Edward use her husband's privet recording studio to make a CD for me of all the songs he has written for me. I know that is something I will cherish forever. I love when Edward composes for me. We have spent hours together on Edward's piano bench as he plays for me; or in our favorite meadow with his guitar. We danced late into the night before Esme announced it was time to bid the bride and groom goodnight.

_{Bella, how long has it been since I last played for you or hummed you to sleep?}_

I couldn't help blushing as we ran down the path to the cottage behind the main house. Carlisle and Esme had it built for Esme's mother when they had the main house built. She apparently spent a month of every season with them while she was alive. Esme had it redecorated for us even though we would only be using it for one night. We would be leaving for our honeymoon in the morning but for this first night we were going to be spending it in Grammy Platt's Cottage.

I was a little unnerved being so close to home and the fact that everyone was probably believing that we were going to be having sex. I held on tightly to Edward as he carried me over the threshold of the cottage. When he set me down inside I kept my arms around his neck and whispered to him.

"I'm too nervous."

"Me to; not to mention the fact that I am exhausted." He whispered back; I could hear the smirk in his voice.

"What do we do?"

"How about this; we change into the night clothes that mom told me she would leave for us and we just hold each other like we do in your bed at Charlie's. It is almost midnight, we have had a very long day today and we have an early day tomorrow anyway. I want you Bella, you know I do but for tonight I will be happy to hold you in my arms and know you are my wife."

_{The truth is that even though I was exhausted, I wasn't too nervous. I knew you were not ready and I wasn't going to push you. Our first time had to be perfect and it wouldn't have been if you had even the slightest bit of apprehension.}_

In the bedroom Esme had laid out for Edward a pair of garnet colored silk boxers. For me she left a silk camisole and shorts set. They were cream colored but with a few garnet colored roses embroidered in a cluster by my left shoulder and right hip. On top of each she left a note. My dress has clear glass buttons all the way down the back; fifteen of them. I blushed when I asked Edward to undo my buttons. Just like the vision I had when I first tried on the dress; he stood me in front of the mirror and unbuttoned me. His eyes were warm and tender as he gazed into mine. He peppered my neck and shoulders with kisses before pronouncing me "completely unbuttoned." Careful not to let my dress fall I reached for my nighties and the note then took them into the bathroom with me. I sat on the edge of the tub to read my note.

"_Just like Bella to save her note; one little paper clip and it has been saved, only for me to read ten years later.}_

**O**

"Bella, My dear daughter."  
I am so happy that you are officially part of my family. I have known in my heart that you were "it" for Edward since the day he first brought you home for dinner. I know you are nervous and a bit frightened of the next step and it's ok. I know I would have been too if I had overheard the conversation that you did. Just remember what I told you; Making Love is very different from what that girl experienced. I was proud of you for confiding in me; that was very brave of you. Telling Edward what you heard and how it unnerved you was the right thing to do. If he is the man I know I raised then he will wait as long as you need him to even though you are already married.

Enjoy the next few weeks together and have a very happy honeymoon.

Love Mom.

**O**

_{The letter mom wrote to me told me how much she loved Bella and telling me that I made a good choice. She tried to remind me that most of my job as husband to love and cherish my wife. Providing for her was important but should never be more important than letting her know how much she is loved. I should have kept the note and framed it so I could keep it in my office; maybe then I wouldn't have forgotten the lesson she tried to remind me of.}_

Edward's mom has been more of a mother to me in the last two years than mine ever was. Just a few days before the wedding I took a break from Alice and all her babble about our honeymoon plans. I ducked into the diner and sat in a booth way off in the corner away from the windows and most of the other patrons. I was reading a book and sipping my milkshake when some girls sat in the next booth. I recognized them from school but I had never been close with ether of them.

Nether girl seemed to notice me and as a result they didn't lower their voices most likely thinking that they were the only ones sitting in the area. Patricia Damon and her best friend Amanda Chi were talking about the date Patricia and her boyfriend had the night before. I remembered seeing Eric Yorkie hanging around Patricia the last few weeks of school and I have seen them around town together lately

Poor Patricia started crying and telling Amanda that she and Eric 'did it' and that it was awful. They had planned that it would happen that night and Patti had been expecting flowers and romance. She was hoping for tenderness but instead she got a dingy motel in Port Angelus and cheap beer. He wasn't gentle or tender and she said he left her with bruises and bite marks.

Hearing her sobs had hit me hard and for the first time I felt a spark of fear over something I had been looking forward to for a very long time. Talking to Esme had calmed me greatly but there was still a little bit of residual fear. Later that night I talk to Edward about it and he assured me that he would never hurt me like that and that he would wait for me to be ready.

_{I remember how unsettled you were that day. You spent over an hour in mom's home office with her and when you came out your eyes were all puffy. I know that you never really had any actual fear of me because when I suggested we go to our meadow to talk you went with me with no reservations. I understood though that it was a shock to you that a man could be so brutal with a girl that he was supposed to care about.}_

I think I blushed when I put on my nighties. They were soft and thin, very thin. Even though everything that needed to be covered was covered the fabric clung to me in a way that left me feeling exposed. I know I was blushing when I opened the door for Edward to come in and brush his teeth with me. We have a routine that was built from nearly a year of sharing my bed on the weekends. I use the restroom first I would wash my face and change in there then he would come in and we would brush our teeth together and I would leave so he could have his privacy for what we called our human moments. I think having that routine helped to ease some of the tension.

Edward had turned down the bed while I was changing as was our routine. It was ready for me to climb in and wait for him. Edward rarely blushes but his face was beet read when he came into the room. I couldn't help but catch my breath when I saw him. Usually he sleeps in sweat pants and a tee-shirt; tonight he wore only the silk shorts Esme left for him. The shorts clung to him as mine did to me and even though his package was covered it seemed to be accentuated by the way his shorts clung.

_{You were a vision in that camisole. I was so turned on I wasn't sure if I could keep my hands to myself. And then the way you looked at me …. I remember thinking that my little tiger kitten just saw a rib eye. I knew you needed a little time but I had a feeling it wouldn't be long.}_

My heart fluttered with excitement nerves and anticipation when he walked to the window side of the bed and crawled in beside me. He wrapped me in his strong arms and I instantly felt safe. I also felt instantly exhausted; I think we were both asleep before a full minute had passed. Journal my friend I don't think I could express how good it felt to sleep in his arms. I believe that to me it was a healing experience.

_{Being in my arms couldn't have felt better than having you in them. That night and for month's afterword I would dream of the moment we were pronounced man and wife. I remember the overwhelming feeling of love and possessiveness I always feel for you. You are Mine and I will fight to win you back; if only you give me the chance.} _

I woke much earlier than I would have expected after how tired I was when I fell asleep. The sun wasn't fully up yet but the clouds outside were turning pink. Edward was still wrapped protectively around me. Heat rose to my face when I realized how much of him I could feel through the thin silk. All my nervousness and fear was gone and all I felt was safety and love in his arms. I snuggled my back closer against his chest.

"Mine" he mumbled in his sleep as he held me tighter. Nestled against my bottom I felt him begin to harden. Before I would have pulled away from him so as not to torture him but instead I wiggled my bottom causing him to become instantly hard. The heat that emanated from it burned into my backside making me want. His mouth moved to my neck and gave me a gentle kiss.

"Good morning my wife." He mumbled before nipping at my ear. For a few minutes he continued to kiss and nip at my shoulder, neck and ear.

"I want you, husband." I whispered. He rolled me so that I was on my back looking up at him. He looked deep into my eyes for the longest time before taking my lips with his.

There are no words for what we shared. It went beyond the pleasure that all our peers spoke about all these years. Even the slight pain I felt when we joined for the first time was nothing when compared to the joy I felt at being one with him. I was so glad that we waited for this moment. After, he held me in his arms while I laid my head on his bare chest.

_{Oh dear Bella I agree with you. Making love to you for the first time was wonderful. In hindsight I know that we were a little awkward because it was so new to us but still it was so perfect. With all the times we were tempted to take things beyond touching; I am very glad we held off till our marriage. We did things the way that was right for us and at least with that I have no regrets.}_

I was just beginning to dose off to the sound of his heartbeat when my phone went off. It was in my purse that had been left by the door with our bags by Carlisle the day before. Edward pulled himself out of bed and got it for me. It was the first time that I have ever seen him completely bare. I have seen his chest many times when we have gone to the beach and such and a few weeks ago I had seen his package when I asked him to teach me how to give him a hand job. But never have I seen all of him. He looks just as good coming as he does going. He smirked and blushed at the same time when he caught me ogling him. He brought me my phone and we looked at the text together.

(Good morning my children. Yes I know you are grown and married but Edward you will always be my baby and Bella you are officially mine now too. I just wanted to warn you that your dad, and his friends Billy and Harry are one cup of coffee away from pounding down your door to bring you here for breakfast and escort you off for your honey moon.)

_{Thank God for her warning. You and I never moved so fast and even still we were caught with no shoes and uncombed hair. I think your dad would have killed me if he caught us in bed naked.}_

I was grateful for her warning. Especially when I heard a chorus of voices calling out "Wakey Wakey". I had hoped that they wouldn't do this. It was a tradition started with dad and his friends on the Res years ago. In fact I believe dad started it when he convinced the guys to go interrupt Billy and Sarah the day after they got married. Then when dad and Renee married Billy got his payback. Next was Harry and Sue and so on. Unfortunately it hasn't stopped with the parents. They've done it to both Billy's daughters and now to me.

I will never forget the look on Edward's face when he opened the door and found his dad among the mix. I guess he wanted to join in on the fun too. I am glad that Esme warned us. I remember hearing that my dad had to calm Billy down when they interrupted more than sleep on the morning after Racheal was married. To be honest I thought I had convinced them to leave me out of their strange little ritual. I tried to remind dad of the Racheal/Billy incident and told him to apply it to me. The look on his face told me he wasn't pleased by the thought; his right hand fisted his pants where his revolver usually rests. I had to hold my laugh when he closed his eyes, took a deep breath then mutter over and over a few times. "She'll be a married woman." Anyway I thought that would be enough to convince him to leave me out of the hazing.

He was a little brisk with Edward during the whole morning. I didn't miss how his eyes kept narrowing every time I tried to hide my discomfort at sitting on the wooden chairs. (I couldn't help it. I don't have anything to compare him to; but I think Edward is probably packed like a porn star. It felt really good to make love but right now I wish we had time to take a hot bath in the beautiful tub back in the cottage.) I also didn't miss the glares he would shoot at Edward every time we touched. I don't think Edward even noticed though because he was in his own little world where I was his queen and he my servant. Edward insisted on serving me and he even took my plate to the sink when I was done.

Dad glared at me for a moment too when Billy and Harry pointed out that something must have bitten Edward in the neck. Edward and I went beet red when Carlisle joked about my frequent trips to the ER being my excuse to raid the blood bank and subtly suggesting that Edward must have become my source. Dad's friends started in on old tribal legends about Wolves and Vampires.

Eventually Esme put a stop to their discussion but I don't think she will ever know how her change of subject had made me feel. She reminded the men about the time and suggested they get us off to our honeymoon so we can work on giving her a grand baby. Edward and I stayed silent and Carlisle gave a cough before meeting my eyes momentarily; Carlisle and Edward were the only ones who know I decided to go on the shot.

_{I didn't understand the full weight of the look on your face me that day; it was so guilty and remorseful. I didn't get it then but now I do and I am so sorry.}_

"Alright men let's get these two to the airport. Carlisle said.

To my further embarrassment Dad cuffed me and Edward together and walked us out to his cruiser. 'My baby Girl just got hitched' was written on the back and side windows. Carlisle and Billy piled in to Harry's SUV along with our luggage. Esme hugged us both and gave us a little sign of benediction; a habit she kept from years of attending Catholic school as a kid. Alice ran out; bleary eyed and still wearing her pajamas. She ran up to me first and hugged the stuffing out of me. She had tears forming in her eyes as she pulled away.

"I'm going miss you Bella. What am I going to do without my best friend?" She then hugged Edward and told him. "Take care of her." Then she put her hand to her mouth and ran back inside. I exchanged a look with Edward as we awkwardly scooted into the back seat of the cruiser.

_{I had thought that was odd too. She always wanted to be your best friend, I knew that but the two of you just never clicked. The way she acted after we got engaged was well different. I didn't know the full extent of it but even then I thought she was being a bit snobby and short with you sometimes. I thought she was just jealous that you were going to move away; she hated living in Forks.}_

The ride to Seattle was quiet. I sat in the middle of the molded bench seat and Edward sat close to the window. We managed to snuggle while still being fully belted in. Edward cooed I love you to me and sang our wedding song softly in my ear. Before I knew it he was gently waking me up so we could enter SeaTac.

_{I felt so guilty; I knew you were sore. Every time we hit a bump or pothole in the road you would whimper in your sleep, your dad would glare at me through the rearview mirror and mutter something about you being married and over 18 and nothing he could do about it 'legally'. The guys used to tease me in the locker room. They said it was a waste that I was hung like a horse but only banging one chick. Eric Yorkie told me if I ever wanted to record us going at it he would sell the tape and split the profit with me; by the way that is why he had a black eye at winter formal. Anyway I am sorry that I hurt you. Had I known I would have insisted on waiting till we were at the resort where we could have gotten into the hot tub after and I could have taken care of you right from the beginning.}_

o~O~o

I won't go into detail about the fight and all because I really can't remember most of it. We snuggled and kissed through the flight to Anchorage where we were met by Billy's Brother in law, Rick. Rick had built a resort of sorts in a rural aria not too far from the city. It had five individual cottages and the main house which served as a bed and breakfast as well.

The cottages were far away enough and had enough vegetation between them so that they were almost isolated from one another; yet at the same time they were just a ten minute walk to the main house. There was a gravel path from each cottage leading to the main house that was wide enough for a car to pass. Lamp posts dotted along the path to light the way in Alaska's long nights.

This was Billy's gift to us. We stayed in one of the cottages which offered us full privacy. Our kitchen was stalked but we also had the options of eating at the main house or ordering room service. There were fire places in both the living room and the bedroom. On the deck outside the bedroom there was a hot tub and those outdoor space heaters. The whole cottage was beautifully decorated in a way that merged the rustic nature of our surroundings and the modern comforts of an upscale home.

Rick's wife Sandra was in the dining nook setting our lunch out when Edward carried me in. It was almost alarming when I first saw her because she looks so much like her sister, Sarah. I met her once before, at Rachael's wedding. She had already lit a fire in the fireplace and set romantic candles around the room.

As soon as they left my husband (have I told you how much I love saying that?) kissed me soundly before pulling out my chair and pouring me some sparkling sider. (I think that was Charlie's influence; you know cuz Edward and I are 18. Is it strange that I am almost 9 months older that my Husband? Any way other than the toast even our wedding was dry. Ok off my rant.) I had to insist that Edward let me serve his and my dishes.

After lunch he disappeared into the bathroom with his phone. When he came out with a bottle of pain reliever and suggested we relax in the hot tub. Apparently Edward noticed my discomfort but didn't know how to address it. When he couldn't take the worry anymore he called his father for advice. I was embarrassed but also touched by his care and concern. I can't believe I could ever have worried about the things I did after hearing Patricia and Amanda talking.

It took two whole days to convince Edward to make love to me again not that he didn't find other ways to please me. For those two days we explored each other's bodies in ways we had never done before. We used a book that Pastor Webber gave us during our last premarital counseling. In this book were instructions for massaging your partner and discussions about how massage can help you learn to feel comfortable with your partner. We also used a book that Jake gave to Edward about how to please your partner.

I know that other people would scoff at how innocent Edward and I are. Most of the kids in school assume we have been having sex as long as we have been dating or at least as long as I have been 18 which is when Charlie and Edward's parents gave us permission to spend the weekends together. I am very glad though that my closest friends and our families believe the truth. Since neither of us had ever dated anyone before we met we were both pure. Between Edward's shyness and modesty and the morals instilled in me by my father and step-father; it was easy to come to the decision to wait.

~o~O~o~

Our honeymoon was so wonderful. Sandra and Rick were just as kind as Sarah and Billy. I found out over a dinner in the main house that the only part of our honeymoon that Billy and Sarah actually paid for was our airfare and our food; the rest was an exchange for a one week trip on Billy's fishing boat. Edward and I spent a portion of every day exploring the forest near the cottage and part of each night in the hot tub stargazing. On a few nights we were treated to a show of Northern Lights. Every day we tried another massage technique on each other; it turns out that massage really is a very good way to learn your partner's body and become comfortable with each other.

_{I miss that. We used to be spontaneous about it but we used to massage each other often. It often led to hours of incredible love making. It used to annoy me sometimes when you would interrupt me while I was working and you would come behind me and start massaging the kinks in my neck. I could lose a whole day of work because of that. I was glad when I started renting the office space because I knew you wouldn't do that to me there. It saddens me to admit that Tanya started scheduling a masseuse to come in once a week.}_

We made love often…ok Very often. Every once in a while I felt the tug of guilt. I really enjoy sex but I can't help feeling like I am cheating by not being open to new life. One night I asked Edward how long he wanted to wait to have kids. His first response was six or seven years. My feelings must have been written all over my face because he then asked me what is the longest I would be willing to wait. I wanted to say three years but I thought that he might think it was too soon so I compromised on a number between his seven and my three.

"Five, I am willing to wait five years. I will go off the shot in four years and we can use the rhythm method for a year." Journal I couldn't even look him in the eye. He enveloped me in a hug. When he spoke I could feel the vibrations through his chest.

"Thank you for being so understanding, Bella. I just need to make sure that I can support us before we bring a baby into our family. Just imagine it we'll buy a big house with a wraparound porch and lots of land around it. I can see us sitting on a porch swing watching our kids play in the yard a huge yard. We won't have to worry about the bills like so many young families do. We will have everything we need and more."

In that moment I wanted to tell him that I didn't need a big house; all I needed was him.

_{Bella, you are all I need too. Come back to me, Please!}_

* * *

we will get a few chapters of happy sweet before things begin to really change.

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